I talk way too much

I feel your pain.

Have you considered having a conversation with your friend about this specifically? I think it might be helpful to hash it out and hear how she experienced the day, your conversations, interruptions, etc. and ruminate about it a little less. A really good way to convey that you care about making other people feel heard is to say "I care about you being heard" in so many words.

When I've brought it up to people, sometimes they do care (but typically not that much, it just bugs them) and appreciate an apology and sometimes they literally never noticed.

First: You can learn this. And if you realize that you interrupted someone you can still excuse yourself after a while and ask them to continue. Chances are, that you can still remember what they were talking about to give them a point to start over.
Personally I realized that the friends I had for decades - while they appreciate me trying to reduce interruption and talking „for them“ - know this trait of me and do not expect from me to be „normal“. I am kind of expected to break the ice in groups. I learned to moderate discussions in groups - even for business - and I learned (mostly) to moderate myself.
Take your time to learn, do not expect to be perfect from the beginning and tell your friend that you realize this.
However, do not make ADHD and talking too much another thing to talk too much about :-) Just be aware of your tendency to talk too much and you will change.

Listen more than you talk. Don't try to relate things to your own problems. Don't lecture. Don't interrupt. Don't get lost in the minutia.

my own little soliloquy trying echo what I thought she might be saying

Classic. 😅

Same. High risk, high reward. Kind of cool when it works though. Classic impulsive trait in ADHD. Risk taking. 😉

Don't try to relate things to your own problems.

At the time, my impulse was to show that I saw her, that I've paid attention, that I understand

But now I'm realizing that I could have just goddamn let her talk.

I mean you get it. A person in distress want to have their feelings acknowledged.

"Damn. Seems to me that you went through a rough time. I imagine anyone would find that tough"

So relatable.

That can be really frustrating and I think it takes like a HUGE amount of focus to do this successfully - even non-adhd people struggle with How to behave with people who feel down. Also honestly you might have done a fine job! When she’s a little better - I might ask her how she felt so you can gauge if she actually felt you were too much - it might be perception!

One of my friends sent me this poem after I apologized for talking too much and I cried it was so nice

I hope you read it and feel better https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/58223/too-much

I've always had a huge problem with this as well. My advice is tell someone about it. I've told my girlfriend that I have an issue with interrupting people when they're talking and I've told her, "If you ever catch me doing it either to you or to someone else while you're around, call me out on it. Don't worry about how rude it may seem. I promise I won't take it that way." and at one point during dinner, I did it to someone else while they were talking and my gf immediately cuts in, shuts me up, and lets the other person continue talking. It has really helped.

Typically if I know that they are going to talk for a long time, I would ask beforehand whether or not they want my opinion or general thoughts. If they don't then we usually create some sort of signal. If not then it usually just ends up being me excessively nodding then blurting out some fast thoughts

I think it takes practice. And the face that you are aware of it is already a huge leap forward. Cause many people, even without adhd, seem not to be aware of it. It is such a thing of this time to just keep talking, interrupting people and reflecting everything on yourself, its not just an adhd thing ;)

I can ‘severely’ relate to this 😂 particularly in medication , it pains me if I can’t get all these crazy thoughts out of head. Often people are super tired or disinterested and I’ll be so engrossed in what I’m saying I won’t notice or even care. In one way it’s great, I’m super open and honest with people. If I vibe with someone I’ll tell them my entire life Story ( whereas someone people struggle opening up at all). On the other hand , I need to learn to just breath and think before I speak, you can never UNSAY something , and often a lot of what you say doesn’t really add very much. I’ve found just along a second to think helps a lot , even if it’s hard to do. Hope this helps.

Active listening takes practice and is easy to slip back out of. I often feel really guilty and embarrassed after every conversation I have because it’s always just me talking and interrupting and making things about myself :( I feel your pain

As someone already said, talk about this with your friend/s! I can and will, if allowed to, talk nonstop for hours and I talk fast. For a long time I thought the same things as you did, wondering whether I talked too much for too long about everything. So I brought it up with my friends and none of them had even noticed or had any problem with it so far. But it felt so good to talk about it and hearing them say it was fine was nice!

So now I always say thank you for listening and feel free to interrupt me or tell me to talk less/shut up but so far none have? So talk with your friends about it! Even if they do mind you can tell them you feel bad about it and you're trying your best and most likely they won't mind at all!

I'm 28, and until the last six months or so of introspection ADHD was never really on the radar for me, apparently my folks considered getting me tested in elementary and again in middle school but said it "passed". Last summer I was working in a small kitchen and at one point the chef described me as having "diarrhea of the mouth" at times. Shut me up then but I kept thinking on it and now it's one of countless experiences that looking back, on those that I even remember, that add up to an increasing certainty of adhd. Trying to get diagnosed now but it's a long road with no insurance going through county resources.

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We can just acknowledge and recognize our failings and try to improve and mitigate. I feel your frustration.

Communication and listening are skills. The more you practice them and want to improve, the better you will get at them.

Talking is actually good though because it shows that you are actively listening in the conversation. Especially when you engage in reflexivity and the other person would appreciate you as an active listener. Don't feel bad, but I also feel the urge often to relate because I feel passionate about them as well.

This is one of the biggest ways my ADHD impacts my life I think. I mean I have tons of other issues, don’t get me wrong, but I have so much trouble at work because of this. I struggle to connect with my friends and partner because of this. It causes all this social anxiety for me where I don’t want to do things because I feel like I’m just going to mess up and worry afterward like you were just describing. Or if a topic comes up that I feel passionately about the soapbox comes out and it’s time for me to give a speech.

I’m really trying to work on it but damn it’s hard. Even knowing I have a problem with interrupting I still interrupt without realizing it until I have done it. I have started being able to stop myself and call it out and prompt the other person to continue more often. At least now I know I’m doing this, for most of my life I had no clue. I knew something was going on but not what.

The other thing I do in work settings is try to write down what I wanted to say when I want to interrupt because sometimes I do it because I am afraid I will forget the thought. It results in conversations where I’m dominating and not letting other people get their ideas across and it’s not my intention. Obviously I have to remember to use this technique for it to actually work though, haha.

We’d be great friends lol I always prefer to be the listener rather than the talker.

I have a hard time communicating if I'm not able to find something that's even slightly related or if I can't repeat it back to them to be sure I understood right. I'm kind of an idiot, so I misunderstand what people say a lot, but I'm also an empathetic idiot so I understand their feelings? It's kind of like how people with ADHD really fucking love metaphors. It's just how my brain works. People tend not to like this, though, but if I don't do it, I risk misunderstanding the context and sounding like a robot.

This is me too. I recently got diagnosed and my medication really shuts me up but it makes all my friends worry. They then realize that they actually like my excessive talking

Is this an ADHD thing? I am not diagnosed and I do this a lot. Like I always just make the conversation about me and don't stop talking and I am aware of it and it has ruined friendships, but I literally can't stop. I wondering though if it is something actually connected to ADHD, that potentially getting diagnosed and medicated might help with, or if this is just a whole other thing and how the F I am supposed to change my brain to shut up.

I take my meds every time I go to my in-laws now. I found out that all the ideas I share out have been causing trouble on her side of the family. They all love me and us, but keeping my mouth shut has made things much more peaceful and less embarrassing for my wife. Yesterday she told me “just be yourself.” Sweet girl, myself without the adderall is the cause of most of my social problems.