Source
r/digitalminimalism•
plottingvengeance

When the person you’re interested in is a hardcore social media user

What do you if the person you’re in to, is way more in to social media than you?

I’ve been off FB for years now (untouched account), however, the person I am interested in seems to be active there almost every day.

I want to pursue a relationship, but I’m not sure how it would work if I’m not on FB as much, since I’ve chosen to live a more digitally minimalist life and fb (for the most part) brought nothing but stress, anxiety and bad memories, as well as fueling my procrastination habits. To have chosen to keep up my “life” on there would have been like choosing to not be true to myself, and the death of my mental health. (Okay maybe that’s a bit dramatic but you get the gist, it just wasn’t for me... at all.)

I guess I’m just worried they won’t find me as interesting as a potential SO since I choose to not participate on there, as that is their website of choice. Already get enough looks from family and friends for being this way. Is it too much to ask for someone to meet me halfway on some other format? I just don’t want to compromise my mental health again for the sake of gaining someone’s approval; no matter how much I do want it.

It’s like one of us dating a social media influencer. Or a Democrat dating a Republican, and while I’m sure there are those success stories, they are a rarity as most people do tend to date within the same sort of beliefs/ideologies. But I am interested to hear if anybody here has actually managed to keep a romantic relationship with someone who is suuuuper active on social media. The ideal would be to date a digital minimalist like myself, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to this person.

Posted Jun 29, 2020, 5:53 AM UTC

2211
1smoothcriminal•

Be interested in them and what they're telling you and let her do their thing. You don't have to be into social media to support her. I'd say, stay off it, she's into you and if she doesn't know you're off of social at this point, then she doesn't really care if you have one or not is my thinking.

But in no way my man try to change her or yourself to "fit a mold". If it bothers you, she may not be for you, but if it doesn't then just let it be and enjoy the ride. Good Luck!

33
Owlsleys•

If you want to date them then do it. As long as there is mutual understanding and respect I don't see an issue.

6
piggy_bruh•

No point worrying if it's an issue before you're even dating, give it a go!

5
TheRoboticChimp•

My partner used to post a lot on facebook when he was unhappy. He posted a lot at the start of our relationship when it was a much more bumpy ride. Now that things are calm and we are happy, he barely posts at all. He doesn’t need to constantly show off his life if he is content with it.

I’m not saying this person you’re interrested in will be the same, but I thought I’d share my experience.

4
ConfidentActuator•

Heavy social media use is like a repellent to me. When I meet otherwise attractive woman that has a smartphone rooted into her hand, my interest to pursue a relationship goes down considerably. I prefer to date a person not a zombie.

4
theatreeducator•

I hang out on Facebook a decent amount but my husband deleted his. I don’t think this will really impact your relationship if you’re honest with them about it.

4
BulbasaurBoo123•

I'm on social media a lot and I don't care at all if someone I'm dating uses it. I do care if they communicate with me regularly but there's lots of other ways to do that outside social media.

3
druiddesign•

I would talk to them about it, see what they are willing to share about how their life involves social media. They might see it as more a career type thing, not like a second life. They might enjoy it, but have an "offline person" that is even much more real and healthy. Social media can be addicting, check out the content they post. Does it interest you? Does it seem like it's healthy content to you? Would you be proud to be their partner if you knew what they were producing and posting online?

You don't have to judge them for the choices they make, but you need to know if you are a good match. You don't have to agree with everything they post or ever find it interesting, but I would look more to seeing if it seems healthy or not. Like, are they memes emotional torture calling for help or do they just like taking selfies b/c they're darn cute, maybe they have some mad photography skills they want to share with the world - especially if they get lots of chances to flex it. Stuff like that.

Social media can be so different for every person, and there are tons of ways to use it. Engage them if you get a chance, it would probably be important for the relationship. You don't need to take Harvard 408S on it right away, but maybe starting with a general knowledge of the scope you're dealing with....wouldn't hurt.

3
BulbasaurBoo123•

I mean, I have a "second life" on social media in a way, but it's because I have some health issues that keep me mostly housebound. If I have someone offline to spend time with who I value, I'll put that first 99% of the time. I don't have an issue with putting my phone away when other people are around. Social media can be an effective way of managing isolation, especially if people live alone during the pandemic.

1
druiddesign•

Yeah, I understand :) I think the ideal would be for your partner to know and accept each other’s activities online.

1
nerdypeachbabe•

Hi, I'm someone who amassed a pretty hefty Instagram following so I think my perspective on it may be helpful. Firstly, I want to explain that I am now a digital minimalist. I haven't been on in a really long time. I still feel the same as I did when I used it a lot though. A potential SO's internet presence has always been something I'm indifferent towards. It really doesn't matter.

The only thing that would negatively impact the relationship is if they generalized about the users and were super judgy about people who used social media. It isn't all bad. Not all influencers are vapid, self-obsessed jerks. I'd give it more time and keep the SM use on the backburner in case there are some bad habits surrounding it. Just my two cents though.

2
therealcocor•

My wife is way more into Facebook than I am (I don’t use mine). It works fine, she keeps me up to date with family stuff, which is helpful, and I respect that she wants to be on it.

As long as it doesn’t cut into your relationship then don’t worry about it. Get their number and just message them. You don’t need to be on social media to be interesting, you should be able to get someone on your own without the help of social media.

2
Dubya_Tea_Efff•

From personal experience, move on. Be it you're in a relationship with them or you want one with them.

I've been told, verbatim, I don't even look at your page anymore. This was in reference to Facebook. Those types of addicts are terrifying to be with, especially if they insist you are allow yourself to be tagged, you reply to tags or their normal updates, and you do so many selfie posts a day/week with them.

1