Source
r/OCPoetry•
Prince_of_Pretty

Every Good Thing

Hey guys! Depressing poem incoming! :P EDIT: Feedback change to comply with the rules!

I’m hungry but I won’t eat
I’m tired but I won’t sleep
I ache but I won’t rest my feet
I’ll think but I won’t think too deep

I’ll kiss you but it won’t be right
I’ll tell the truth but it sounds like lies
I’ll care too much but I won’t fight
I’ll wave but I won’t say goodbye

I’ll love you but it won’t be love
I’ll sing but it won’t sound too good
I’ll pray but not to those above
I won’t tell you but I think I should

I’ll miss you but I’ll soon forget
I’m lonely but I don’t want friends
I’ll laugh and smile but soon regret
I know that every good thing ends

https://old.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ilb1lv/lost_in_hope/g3r5pm2/ https://old.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ilcnks/what_i_meant_matters_not/g3r95d6/

Posted Sep 2, 2020, 7:05 PM UTC · edited

23
SentientPebble•

I like it! A good rhythm, with an almost song-like quality to it. There's some small humps in the rhythm/rhyme scheme but it's consistent enough otherwise that it's rather hard to notice. It's also a rather emotional poem the self manipulation highlighted by the steady rhythm, as if its almost a mantra the PoV is drilling into their own head. Very effective, I'd say!

2
FormerlyKnownAsVV•

I enjoyed reading this, great rhymes and I thought that "I...but..." repetition was solid.

1
PhilipJ28•

I love this. It's a lot more than the sum of its parts and really delivers on building an atmosphere to immerse the reader in the writer's mood. You've done very well with this, I commend you! :)

1