I'm Scared To Fall Asleep, I'm Scared To Wake Up
Lord have mercy on my soul, for this day i'll surely go,
cross that bridge to the other side, yes today i know i'll die,
collect my mind and destroy by body, now i sit alone inside this lobby,
the silence is deafening, all I hear is the ringing, it slow fades into angels singing,
switches again,
the demons howl out, terrible screeching emitting from the mouth,
the wailing crashes and smashing my brain, resulting in the heaviest migraine,
this is purgatory, i'm stuck inside,
wedged in a struggle of immense forces, i feel the hands of the devilish corpses,
they grip my wrist with angry fists and i feel the heat overcome me in my sleep,
I wake in a cold sweat, still drowsy and undressed,
I'm back where i started on the day it happened,
I haven't died yet,
from the angels I'm blessed,
i feel relieved til i feel the demonish eyes emitting behind me.
He lets out a soft whisper.
“You can’t escape, you're stuck here with me..” i jump back out of this hellish dream,
i feel happy again, until i see the same devilish grin,
“Again you’re mine, for all the sins you committed, never to feel peace, never to be acquitted.”
I blink and he’s gone, outta sight, still in my mind,
i can't go to sleep now, i stand up, pace the room,feeling strong emotions of demise and gloom.
I hear him laughing at me, from the shadows, blanketed in the darkest,
I no longer feel the light, just these dark forces.
I lay back down, accepting my fate, no hope for escape, it's getting so late, my eyes grow heavy,
i slowly drift off,
my mind actually calming,
i wake in the morning, birds chirping at my window, i stand up and stretch feeling safe and sound,
until i feel long claws on my back that start to gouge,
i blink and i'm back, right in the dark,
the false security i was giving was used to break me down,
and the cycle continues, over and over again,
this is my life,
i'm stuck in hell,
never to get out,
punished for these sins,
to never be able to feel alive,
again.
Posted Sep 3, 2020, 3:38 PM UTC
I can relate to this, but even if I weren't able to draw a parallel in my own life I think it does a great job of explaining these kinds of feelings. The lack of rhymes and the flow (or lack of a flow, that is) definitely alludes to the uneasiness of the speaker's mind. I like that it's describing both the speaker's inside experience and outside experience, and I feel like it jumps back and forth, giving the sense of uncertainty and panic.
I don't particularly like the repetition in the beginning of a lot of lines, for example there's a bit in the middle where you start each line with "I" six times in a row. I think that if you restructured some of those lines just a tad to take out the "I" it would feel more inline with the rest of the poem where the speaker changes it up more often.
I really like the imagery being used, and it does feel as thought the speaker is as chaotic as the poem. Good job!