the monster in my basement

Posted Sep 4, 2020, 5:06 AM UTC

53
beumuth•

This has a domination/submission vibe with diction like "basement", "lips against skin", "mine", and "condemned myself to you".

A hickey is described in an exergasic and pragmatographic tricolon: plainly as "lips against my skin"; hypocatastatically as "secret purple sigils"; phono-, pheno-, and psychomimically with the epizeuxis "mine, mine, mine".

"i had already condemned myself to you" is an antithetical dysphemism to both the ironic "darling" and implied spellcraft of "secret purple sigils".

"Placed your lips against my skin and left" is beef-uppable. The poem is a touch too pleonastic both syntactically and stylistically, especially for its short length.

2
CherryMoss•

Wow, I love the word choice here. Sigils, condemned, you really go for the vibe and It's spot on.

I wonder about the title. Basement might not be the most sexy word, but there's got to be something with "monster under my bed" that would work.

I mean, it's just one line, but I think it conveys the mood very well. Is it part of a larger piece? or standalone? I'd love to read more if so.

1
earthtoalysOP•

Thank you so much! I chose the word basement because that’s where I was taken advantage of, but I totally hear what you’re saying! This is part of a book I’m writing called Lilacs and Cigarettes.

1