Source
r/OCPoetry•
PhilipJ28

The world ends with you.

I see you unshaken, but deserving no blame.

Disasters fall, but only other people's lives claim.

So read all those posts, and show pity for the dead.

And in your head be thankful that it wasn't you instead.

Go and write your condolences on the same paper as jokes.

And if it's time for action, try one of your invisibility cloaks.

I would call you selfish, but we look about the same.

You're merely my reflection, we even share the name.

Pay no mind to my words, who's to say they're true ?

Fuck the rest of them, the world ends with you.

Thoughts at 11:59 PM

every good thing

Posted Sep 3, 2020, 4:44 PM UTC

1514
Pinsandweedles•

I love this poem and the turn it takes! Turning the critical poem into a self critical poem that still feels universal is no easy task.

I like the turn this take as the narrator seems to get more frustrated by the their own inaction. It feels like a very real critique. (one I could do with myself.) I think overall the poem is formatted really well, and there's not much I have to say about the content either. Just a well written poem.

Well done!

2
PhilipJ28OP•

Thank you so much! I always appreciate it when people see the dynamic shifts and comment on them, I'm grateful for your thoughtful comment! :)

2
TheStratus•

I’ve read this two or three times today. I feel like I can pull something from every line and relate whether it be about myself or people I know. You seem to have a knack for capturing a myopic standpoint then honing it into self reflection. I like this a lot and am looking forward to more. Thank you for sharing.

2
PhilipJ28OP•

You have no idea how much this comment means to me. It's something to receive a regular compliment, but it means so much more when it's so detailed and thoughtful. I'm glad that you found depth in it, that was my intention and to know it was understood so well makes me really happy.

And thank you for reading! I'd love to hear your comments on any work I do later, and would love to see if you have any work of your own to check it out :)

1
bryan_alarcon•

I like the self assurance at the end since the sentiment is true. Every one looks out for number one and therefore every one is also guilty of what the author criticizes themselves of.

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PhilipJ28OP•

Exactly! I'm genuinely so happy that the message of it was understood so well. It's a guilt that's reflected on all of us, but we'll probably never acknowledge it. Thank you for the thoughtful comment :)

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earthtoalys•

This is really powerful. I love the execution of the rhyming and the word choice is beautiful! I think this is something that can be interpreted in many different ways, and I love that about it.

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PhilipJ28OP•

Thank you so much! That was the intention and I'm glad it was understood so well. I appreciate your thoughtful comment, you made my day! :)

2
Ephemerror•

Not really feeling the poem personally though i can see it is fairly solid, i do however like that you included the titles of the poems you left feedback on fulfilling the requirement. It's a nice touch.

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PhilipJ28OP•

It's a good thing to support the community :)

2
myfacejustmelted•

The beginning and end are solid as fuck.

I like it for what it is.But, I bet you could cut it down to four lines and it would chew *off my goddamn ear.

Well done, rando *strango.

2
[deleted]•

I like that the title and the ending line are the same, the world ends with you. It helps to show how the world and its problems come into existence only when you begin (thus placed at the title, the beginning of the poem) and the world also ends only when you end, because, for you , there is no meaning attached to the world once you're gone (assuming you don't actually stick around). This also highlights something else. Even our empathy for others is rooted in our "selfishness". We feel bad when something untoward happens to someone else, because we'd be devastated if it happened to us. So of course, it's only natural that empathy and relief at not having been through that go hand in hand. This line hits quite hard: " Go and write your condolences on the same paper as jokes", because it shows our impersonal response to grief that isn't our own, it really spells out apathy, because we treat the event as another fleeting moment that we observe as an audience, something that affects the characters onstage, not us. The ending of the poem, where you liken yourself to the person being described is great, because you accept that this is a universal human trait, something you share as well. "I would call you selfish, but we look about the same" also highlights how humans deem something wrong--people think themselves to be the highest standards and anyone who goes along with it is "right", because that way, they feel no guilt in claiming that people who are different to them are wrong. Awesome work

2
PhilipJ28OP•

This is probably the best review that I've gotten on anything. This is a poem that speaks to a lot of my introspection on the human condition and my own motives. I see just how quickly the world works and how easily it is that we dismiss the suffering of others merely because we're spectators and hold no more interest in the situation. We are robbed of genuine empathy by the fast pace of life, and are quick to engage in meaningless condolences that carry no honest concern behind them. We've become clones of each other, feigning care for the collective, while valuing only one's own personal perspective. You've described this poem perfectly, I thank you so very much for your input. I'll keep this saved to look at it later when I wanna remember what a great review looks like.

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-Jjb-•

Oh wow, I really love this. The twist at the end legitimately caught me off guard, and I love the theme of this. No criticisms from me!

1