It's just been a rough day and I wrote this. I'm done
I am so tired
Of being demanded
Required
Expected
To forgive you
And forgive you
And forgive you
Time after time because that’s how order is restored.
To the extent that it is not forgiveness, because forgiveness is something you should be asking for.
You would never acknowledge such fault.
You’ve apologized to me
Twice in any way that matters.
The rest were gifts, privilege, money.
“Do you want a coffee?”
The doting fits in some circumstances.
Freeze.
Hands up.
On your knees.
Hands behind your head.
Get on the ground.
I was young, I was scared, and I came crashing onto that filthy grey carpet in the living room face first.
Blood everywhere.
You were testing out cop drills.
Instantly, ice packs. Cold drinks. A reclined chair—not just any chair, your chair.
Now, when I recount it, you laugh.
And tonight, after yelling that drones
Pierces
Grates
Interrupts the studying I’m supposed to be doing,
You are angry that I left my computer charger plugged in.
Something you’ve reminded me of before.
So its more yelling.
Do you know that someone can mop a floor with malice?
Wash dishes with wrath?
Scroll through Twitter with such seething stewing simmering spluttering anger that spits
Hot grease
Onto arms legs eyes nose face
Anything that comes near.
You take pride in your punishments.
Wearing clown makeup in front of my peers to announce my mistake.
When I lost the car keys—then found them. But not quickly enough.
Standing in a five-gallon bucket in February—I remember because it was mom’s birthday, she pleaded for you to stop—as you spray me down with the hose.
Thirty seconds for each of us.
But my little sister couldn’t take it after 10.
So I got double what she had left.
You say I would be fired from McDonalds.
That I cannot be anything.
I would rather be nothing than be you.
Posted Sep 4, 2020, 6:49 AM UTC