Source
r/DeadBedrooms•
TechReader01

Why Do Some Women Lose Their Sex Drive?

"Sex drive, which doctors prefer to term "libido," refers to a biological urge to mate, or to find sexual stimulation or release in non-relational ways.

Sex drive, if not sexual interest, declines with age in men and women but I joke that a "dirty old man" is just an ordinary young man trapped in an older body and that there is no comparable term for women.

I do not consider it to be a "disorder" when some post-menopausal women lose their youthful needs and desires because it is all variance of normal based on hormonal changes, relational issues, physical issues, fitness issues, etc etc.

My ideal, though, is for women and men to maintain a fun sex life of some sort for a lifetime.

PS: When in med school one time they showed us a video of elder porn. It was a couple in their 80s having fun with each other and laughing in bed. It was eye-opening to us kids. A good thing."

http://maggiesfarm.anotherdotcom.com/archives/35447-Why-do-some-women-lose-their-sex-drive.html

Posted Sep 9, 2020, 2:32 AM UTC

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Nerdyshal•

I had a nearly identical experience. Mine differs in that I did still think of sex in the future tense. I know I didn’t want it then (that whole timeframe); but that I would again one day. I don’t know how I knew that, just felt it in my bones. It does make me worry about what will happen to me in my 50-60s and beyond.

I experienced my mother go through menopause about 2-5 years before I got pregnant. I recognized it immediately how my mood swings and frustration was like the “diet” version of what she went through during menopause.

Hormones are insanely strong. I don’t think we as humans fully grasp exactly how massive a role they play in our lives. Literally driving the vehicle that is “us”.

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Ying_Ying_2020•

And there were nights I was just lying there in bed after a long exhausting day of work and kids and housework, wanting some human touch. I was depressed.

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tossmeaway2020•

I believe this is not just women being LL. There are plenty of women on this subreddit that are HL and talk about their husband being LL. For whatever reasons some people prefer porn and masturbation to sex with their SO. Another complaint I've read a lot here is men playing video games, or having just lost interest in their partner. Have to believe this is a people problem. HL ladies are in abundance here.

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MoneyTrees2018•

But the LLM's still have the desire and drive, just not for their SO's. LLF don't have desire FOR ANYTHING sexual most of the time. I think that's the point that the OP is making.

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tossmeaway2020•

She may be just LL for him. That leads to all kinds of options. Usually none of them good.

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justsomeoneonearth•

I lost my sex drive due to depression and feeling that I'm no longer beautiful, sexy, attractive. Part of that was due to living with a man who has no sexual desire, and so I got zero sexual feedback, and there was no sexual space between us.

We just opened up the relationship and I met someone, and my body is on fire.

So in my case it had a lot to do with how I was being seen by a man. Feedback from outside, and being in a sexual head space. Being naked next to someone, and him being unphased, let alone getting aroused by me, was a sex drive killer for me. Luckily, it was only dormant, not dead 😉

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LupinBear•

There is something to be said for unsatisfactory sex making someone not want sex. And for sensational sex making someone want more sex.

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lectori-salutem•

Bad sex is still worse than no sex. So when people have the option of bad sex vs masturbating most will choose masturbating. Logically.

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justsomeoneonearth•

Definitely.

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BipolarGoldfish•

Babies happen to a lot of women. And bye bye goes the sex drive. Even mentally some women change completely. I know I did. Flick a light switch. I went from sex positive (on) to not even on my mind (off) after birth.

Like ying said, you literally raise the baby, chase the baby and are so focused on getting through the day that sex isn't on your radar. Or it's wayyyy different than it used to be. At the end of your day you just want to sleep, read a book or watch a movie. I've been trying to watch a movie for THREE days. Young kids and babies are one of the reasons.

Especially if your partner doesn't do their share. Mentally as well. The comic about the mental labor women go through I can't reccomend enough. That and "she divorced me because I left the dishes by the sink."

"She can still make time" Yeah. she can. With sex being just as much mentally what time would she have to get into the mood mentality? it's a battle. I hear from parents of older kids it gets better. For me I'm spontaneous desire, I can get into the mood faster than responsive. Imagine getting into bed and just wanting to relax and THEN unwind. I think that's the challenge for LLs with kids.

birth control. nuff said. birth control

menopause affects people differently. from the women i know it's awful. i definitely see personality changes along with their reported issues with sex, desire etc.

relationship. what's the relationship like?

that's my opinion anyway.

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Rosie_skies•

I know the comic you are talking about. The "mental load" comic. Some people really hate it. I loved it, because i could relate.

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reboog711•

a "dirty old man" is just an ordinary young man trapped in an older body and that there is no comparable term for women.

Hotwife? MILF? Cougar?

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LupinBear•

Right? Like this isn’t a one gender issue.

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Rosie_skies•

Dude...your post was word for word, right in that very short article...wtf? What point are you trying to make here?

As for the article, its not wrong, but its not right either. Women can lose their libido before menopause, and without med interference. Young, old...doesnt matter. So many reasons. And its not just women. There are enough HLFs with unfulfilled sexlives here. Half at least. Where is your post about LLMs and why they lose their drive?

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TechReader01OP70+ HLM XDB•

I post some of these articles because I find them interesting, and I think other people will as well. "Word for word from the article"; Yup, that's why I enclosed them with quotation marks. I didn't mean to imply authorship. The author, Dr. Joy Bliss, is a woman addressing matters that are common with other women.

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Rosie_skies•

I believe that you seen a video of people in their 80's having a good time. I have walked in on that myself a few times.

The problem is, sometimes, sex stops being fun.

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