Best way to start my novel?

I keep reading all these amazing novels and want to write the next great american piece of literature. However, everytime I go to sit and write all that pours out is shitty poetry and prose that makes my grandma reconsider her life choices. How can I write so the average consumer gets hooked and not just my English professors? Also, I don't actually want to do the work of writing it and editing it down. That's what agents and editors are for!