Scarlet colors of shame damages him. The crowd en masse thinks highly of him. But he decides to wait until the hourglass runs dry.
You’re lackluster in that you amount to. The thoughts of yearning, will it ever come true? Damn your agony in this mind of your mind.
I want to know what it means to be half a whole. I sit here expecting to know the unknown. It’s all okay, it would be fine.
If I were just not alone in this war of mine.
Posted Sep 16, 2020, 12:23 AM UTC
To me the poem sounds dismissive until it comes to the last line. That last line is just so raw and vulnerable. It's effect is only increased by isolating it. It's like an island of weakness in a sea of strength but the sea is made of waves and the feelings keep fluctuating.
That being said, I don't quite understand what's going on in the first stanza (especially the line "but he decides to wait until the hourglass runs dry"). I also think that the use of the word "him" to finish off both the first two lines is a bit repetitive. I'd change that (just my two cents).
Overall, beautiful!
Note: I tried making it count down from 3, 2, 1 by changing the perspectives. But yes def far from perfect. It was just something I threw down in my notes while feeling like shit.
“I want to know what it means to be half a whole. I sit here expecting to know the unknown.” WOW. I love these lines, so simple but beautifully written and relatable.
All in all, the poem has a good flow to it. I have anxiety and 110% can relate. Thanks for this.