Source
r/OCPoetry•
KittiesAndDreams

Love

What is love for you and me

Everything you want to be?

Can you love the life you live

Even standing on a cliff?

Never lose the hope to win

Even if you have to sin?

Always being there for one

Never fearing to go on?

That’s the thing that love‘s about

So stay calm and don’t get loud

Sometimes easy, sometimes hard

So everyone can have their part

Love is bitter, love is sweet

Please don’t lose it 'cause of greed

Love is life and love is death

Love is pain and a caress

Love is everything that is

Love is in a person‘s kiss

And when you love this feeling‘s there

Who said life has to be fair

So if you lose this feeling dear

Pain will come and never clear

The pain will kill you more and more

And everything you were before

So hold this feeling always near

And watch your loved ones without fear!

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ito25v/all_that_matters/g5gcfgb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/itqoej/my_heart_is_a_black_hole/g5gc3nj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

Posted Sep 16, 2020, 8:38 AM UTC

66
Cr4zydood•

You did a good job with this one. I noted the specific attention to rhythm and rhyme which was a nice touch, however the lack of stanza put me at odds with the poem. Good potential and very creative, the tones feel like one of a teacher or experienced lover, one who conveys their findings through a flowing standard rhythm. Well done.

3
KittiesAndDreamsOP•

Thank you for your feedback :) I really appreciate it.

2
PhilipJ28•

I really love the way you tackled the subject. You frame love as this thing that's at the centre of everything, and I would agree to an extent. There's so much back and forth between the positives and negatives of it all, how it feels like, what one would do for the people they love and how far they would go. How much life matters to them, even it they were on the edge of a cliff, would love hold them back from jumping ? All in all, it's a nice little journey.

My one critique would be to advise you to read more poems and see the way they rhyme, the length of each individual line matters in whether or not the rhyme feels clean, not just the last word, try reading them out loud, too, that helps. You have some very good potential and I love your writing style, looking forward to reading more from you, well done :)

2
KittiesAndDreamsOP•

Thank you so much :) I’ll definitely take your advice and try to pay more attention to the length of the lines next time. Thank you for your advice :)

2
ursula_the_alien•

Ahhhh LOVE. This poem points out many of the realities of love. /who said life has to be fair/ begs the question...does all of our love look the same? No. And that I believe is where our errors lie...in the assumption that there is one uniform fairy tale for each of us. Thank you for this reminder that love can be in a kiss. Love doesn’t need to be words spoken. Sometimes “I love you” spoken is empty and meaningless. But tenderness in action...going through life together....sticking it out...that is all true love as you have eloquently penned above. Bravo! 👏🏽

2
KittiesAndDreamsOP•

Thank you so much :) I love how eloquently you put it in your comment. Indeed love is many different things and many different perspectives and never just one straight cut thing. I‘m so happy you like my poem :)

2