He/Him
To be different is to be unexpected,
To feel like you wrecked it, disrepected.
Always systematic, unapologetic, they say
You need a medic! I feel a bit poetic about this situation.
What if you hurt a feeling?
Did you have a single inkling?
Did you send them reeling, beating
my heart stinging, and singing,
and treating you like you had a meaning!
News flash! He is winning, and bringing and appearing with a bit of humanity.
ringing- ringing- ringing-
It’s for you.
Hello?
Did you pay for the medical treatment?
Did you help them with their achievement?
And don’t you owe them the decency?-
It should be less of a religious disagreement
And more of a common courtesy!
Disrespect!
Check your sect!
Make an amendment, be a human!
Don’t leave unchecked!
You’ll be correct!
I’m tired of contentment, let’s get moving.
Hang up,
Show up, blow up,
Pick up, wake up,
We gotta make a step up,
Make a noise-
Make a movement.
Posted Sep 16, 2020, 10:21 AM UTC · edited
I really like this poem, I like your rhyme scheme and the sharp lines. They are succinct and very clear, successfully translating a sense of urgency.
My only point of feedback is that I feel like the last two stanzas feel a bit different from the rest of the poem. Maybe because of their shorter lines, and tighter structure. It feels like it goes from a contemplative poem to one that is demanding something, but I am not sure what is exactly demanding. I think my confusion stems from 'sect', 'amendment' and 'unchecked' which make me presume something related to the law or elections. I think if it is related to this, might help to illustrate it a bit earlier in the poem. If it is not, maybe it would help to use alternate words!
I do really like this poem, and enjoy your writing style quite a lot! Hope my feedback helps!
Hey thank you Kanye! It means a lot. As the name may suggest, this poem is angry at society for using the wrong pronouns of a person and confining those who feel different to what's on a legal document. This is introduced in line one, stanza one, and reinforced throughout stanza four, the 'wake up call'.
What I wanted out of this poem is swagger and lack of restraint, a crescendo. The faster rhymes in stanza 5 refer demand just what it says, to "check your sect" and "don't leave unchecked". Kind of getting at the question: are your set of beliefs really the correct ones? As reinforced with "you'll be correct".
Most understandably, stanza 6 comes off as confusing, and id love to leave it up to interpretation of I were a better poet haha. It's the story of what happens after the wake up call. You hang up, you show up to your regular life, you blow it up with what you now know. You pick it up, as to say you take action about your beliefs, and then you wake up and do it all over again and so on.
I'd love to hear what words may get these messages off clearer! I agree the last two stanzas feel like their own separated poem. Any tips on what could help?
No problem! Thank you for being receptive. I will again say I really like this poem and I think your mission of swagger and unrestrained emotion is successfully achieved. I really feel the anger in this poem and the demand for change!
To be honest, you seem to be a better poet than me so I can only give limited suggestions haha. But maybe:
“Disrespect
Check yourself!
“Be human!” or “Make the change!”
I think this makes the those lines a bit simpler, and therefore flowing on. I like your poem because of its concise anger, and if that carries through in similar words, I think it’ll be great! Just my amateur advice though haha.