Fyi amma means mom in my language (Telegu) and most Indian languages

Thank you, I appreciate all critique provided. I appreciate the harshness, because I know I have a lot left to improve on. If you have any other comments please leave them!

if you could do a line by line critique, I would be very grateful. 

A side note: if you had some guides/helpful resources, I would really appreciate it! I am a slow learner but hopefully I can get to be a good writer some day!

This is my third time critiquing one of your stories and, unfortunately, I haven't seen a lot of improvement. I don't mean to sound harsh saying that, I just think you should take a look at your process and what is stopping your stories from having the impact you want them to. 

Firstly, I want to ask why you name five different people in this story? Basically, this story is about a kid on a train that decides to do a good deed by taking some dog that was left stranded to an animal shelter. When considering this, what is the need of naming 5 characters that seemingly have no impact on the story? What does this add to the story? And if it adds nothing, it doesn't need to be included. I think you know why you want to include some of the characters you do in the story. But to me, a reader, it just comes across as amateurish and jarring. Writer-reader communication is something you really need to work on.

Okay, maybe one character needs to be included, the Amma one. This is because it bei

Thank you for the feedback. I will read this and take it to heart!

Hey! I know that this review is a little harsh so I just wanted to mention beforehand that I don't necessarily dislike your story, but I feel like there's a far bit in there that you could revise to make it much more enjoyable. I hope you keep on writing and getting better!

**Structure**

Your choice to start the story before he gets on the train is pretty good, it lets us know that he's in a hurry right away. On the other hand, your choice to start on another train is a little weirder. It means that your introduction (and I believe the longest description you have in the story) are centred around a setting that we won't ever see again. Why not start with him running between trains, and then do the exposition/introductions once he's seated in the car? 

Aside from that it's fine, but I feel like you deal with the primary subject of the story (the dog), very quickly. The entire thing is basically resolved within two sentences. Why should I care about it if you can resolve it within two

 I want to say up front I see there are a lot of comments already. I haven’t read them and hope I’m not repeating a lot of what has been already said. 

The first paragraph is very descriptive and paints a nice picture of where the MC is and gives us some idea about his life (the scratched up old watch). 

The next paragraph he seems to be talking to himself, then stops but continues the same line of thought. Speaking out loud seemed like an odd choice there and it didn’t seem like things he would actually say aloud. I think it could all be done internally and probably a little cleaner. Also, maybe some context as to why he was late. I don’t think we need to know a ton about it, but he made a choice somewhere along the line to not leave on time and it feels like a chance to give the reader a little more insight to who this person is. 

We don’t need to go through each car with him as he walks unless there’s something important it’s going to tell us and that’s not there right now. If yo

Could you make it allow copy/paste from the google doc. Makes it easier to work for me.

Thank you so much for the feedback! If possible, can you expand on potential specific changes I can make. As a new writer, seeing specific changes helps a lot because it shows what I am missing. Even so, I totally appreciate your help!

**GENERAL REMARKS**

Overall, this story tries to invoke feelings of helplessness and growing up but it feels sort of flat for me. I understand, what you are trying to accomplish and you have the skeleton of the story ready but the meat is missing. It's lost in the overly described small things. I like what you were trying to do but it just fell short. The story could be about anyone. We all have gone through similar situations in our families. I liked that for sure, it is very relatable. 

**MECHANICS**

Firstly, your title - Growing Up, I fell is a little on the nose. You don't want to tell your readers that this what your story is about. People are smart, they will figure it out. Your sentence structure was also a bit off, especially since you put the MC's thoughts into quotes, which confused me, as I had to double back to make sure he was saying it, out loud or just thinking it. Also, there were instances were your sentence structure was odd.

>That sounded like. Like a dog!

This 

General remarks:  
I believe I critiqued another piece of yours that was set on a train and also involved running late. I know there are a lot of comments below that seem generally pretty critical. Your grammar needs a lot of work. I am no expert in the area, but there are a lot of blatant typos and sentences that read very poorly. You have introduced a lot in 600 words. First, it is a story about running late to a bakery, then it is a story about finding and saving a dog, and there are a ton of characters. I think maybe if you zoom out and think very clearly about what you are trying to get across, and what the bare minimum needed to get there is, really clean up your grammar and typing mistakes, and overall just improve the focus of the piece, what you are trying to get across will be more clear.  
Paragraph 1:  
I read a version of this paragraph in the last piece I critiqued. I haven't gone back and compared the two but this one seems better/more clear from my memory.  
Paragraph 2


Critique: [450] https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/izvpy7/287_freedom_road_draft_2/g6zk4ra/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3
[300 left] https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/irtjug/1276_how_kimmy_escaped_home_at_age_13/g5g1amc/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

[684] Growing Up. A short story