swallowing noise

the words bubble up in my throat

“don’t touch me there”

“don’t talk to me like that”

“no, no, no”

but i remember when you said that i was good

when i was silent

so i swallow my noise

and it’s soft and bitter as it slips down my chest

and makes my heartbeats quicker

and that boy thinks that it’s for him

so he smirks at me and goes on

as my eyes glaze over while i’m wondering

are you proud of me now?