The short version of a long joke

Bernie brags at a bar that he knows lots of celebrities, including Clint Eastwood. When Phil calls him a liar, they bet on it, and Bernie takes him to Clint's house, where Bernie receives a warm welcome.

Weeks later Bernie brags about knowing the queen of England. Sure enough, Phil scoffs at the notion, the two bet, and they fly to England. And sure enough, Bernie is warmly received by the elderly monarch.

When Bernie brags about knowing the Pope, Phil offers to bet some high-roller money that Bernie's a liar. Of course, they go to the Vatican to see the Pope. As luck would have it, the Pope was to address the crowd from outside his chamber. Phil had to watch from the crowd, but Bernie was right by the pontiff's side.

Afterwards Bernie went down to meet with Phil, who was coming to after passing out. "Surprised I knew the Pope, huh?" asked Bernie. "Well, yeah," responded Phil. "What really got me, though, is when the nun next to me asked who was the guy in the garish hat next to Bernie!"