Glad you found it useful, if you do ever decide to flesh out this story further I'd be interested to read it for sure

Wow this is my first time posting my writing on this subreddit but y'all really live up to its name! Thank you for this review it's awesome and just what I needed. 

First off, I'm thrilled that you found the writing style enjoyable. That was one of the key things I was worried about since I'm not sure if my writing is simply derivative of stuff I'm reading (like Sanderson etc) or if it was actually consumable as a piece of literature by readers out there. 

I totally get what you're saying about inconsistent characters. I went back and re-read my story and I did see how confusing it can be trying to pinpoint Rai's personality and motivations. I attribute that mostly to the fact that I made him up on the spot without fleshing out who he is (since I wanted to just test out my writing, and have no real plans to continue the story) and so a lot of what I wrote was seeing if I could characterize him indirectly through his actions. However, I definitely should have been more consistent. I c

"I just want to see if I can write well, draw the reader into a world and characters, maintain the readers interest"

You can certainly do this. Especially maintain readers interest.

**Highlights**

The good:

\- Found the passage of writing genuinely engaging, and I'm not an easy person to engage.- The writing is lyrical, and well judged throughout. It's not too boring, and not too extravagant or dramatic. Very accessible.- Overall quality of plot, suspense, and character description is better than 90% of what's out there (including anything I have ever written) so if you were to write a whole book I'd expect a publisher somewhere to be interested if you can keep the same style and quality throughout an entire book (which is much more difficult than writing a good scene)

Please remember these positives while reading the rest of my opinions/analysis!

The bad:

\- The killer character has some confusing inconsistencies. Is he an amateur? Or has he been in this crew of killers for a w

>here

Thank you! That was some good feedback on my prose and I think all your suggestions help improve the passage. Your comments on pacing were definitely helpful. I also felt that perhaps the scene where the doctor is trying to break free and then fails happened too fast. After all, in the story it technically takes up 3 minutes of time, yet is over within a sentence or two. I appreciate the confirmation that it was awkwardly paced. 

Your suggestions on not playing the pronoun game (using Veera's name instead of 'she') also makes a lot of sense. Sometimes I get so pigeonholed with seeing the story one kind of way, I don't even consider that sometimes the things I'm doing are just unnecessary. So I appreciate all insights. 

I'm glad you enjoyed it, so once again, thanks!

Not going to do a full review for credit, but I did make a copy and leave suggestions: [here](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FGqw1Rn32lZpja2K39gM0Bg901TEVKfnx7q24sNOemk/edit?usp=sharing).

Also, I enjoyed it :)

I loved it. The scene moved; you managed to give us intrigue and introduce us to the characters simultaneously. I think it is a great start.  Two thumbs up from me!

Hey folks, I'm trying to polish my writing but I want to get a brutally honest opinion on where I stand. To that end, I've written something like the first half of a fantasy-style book's prologue. These characters and the world are not things I've really fleshed out; it's essentially a fake scene. I just want to see if I can write well, draw the reader into a world and characters, maintain the readers interest, and do things like characterization/dialogue/interactions/show-don't-tell/describe settings and characters moving about in a natural way.


Google doc link (commenting turned on): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pj20wOdxahIRamTJUUup6_lbDVH5JWgD4j_bP9vfKuc/edit?usp=sharing


I really appreciate any and all feedback!


Review bank:
[1414] https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/kf3jm2/1414_funeral/ggj74ef/

[1271] Scene Practice