Source
r/OCPoetry•
iodajo

No More Love Poems.

NSFW

Each line, each rhyme is a desperate lie

And I’m so sick of it

Each flame of the fire ignited by me to cover the fact I’m fucking liar

And I’m so sick of it

Aren’t you?

Aren’t you sick of me?

You should be.

I pour my heart out of an empty glass

And expect you to listen to my dreams

Always dreaming of him

Each boy, each “flirt” strung out across the sea

And yet I can’t swim

IM SO SICK OF IT

so no more

No more falling for pricks called joe

No more giving them my sleeve so they can blow their nose

No more acting surprised when the entire friendship implodes

Implodes forever and for what?

For a one night drunken blow?

I’m so sick of it

The more I give

The less I’ve got

And I’m nothing now without love

Without being touched

Without that forceful man in the corner of my eye

Whenever I feel a lust for being fucked

I’m so sick of this

And it burns and it burns

But it’s what I deserve

“Oh woe is me”

I asked for this

The truth is I asked for this

But no more

No more love poems

No more adding to the blocked list

No more love poems

Because whatever love is

It’s so fucking far

From this.

...

(Is this NSFW? I’m not sure so I’ve done it just in case:/)

0

o

Posted Jan 23, 2021, 1:36 AM UTC

5018
[deleted]•

I love this. Perfectly expressed, extremely creative IMO; it’s a full meal.

6
iodajoOP•

Thank you :)

5
ratherlargepie•

Hell yeah to impassioned diatribes against fuckboys! Very fun and intense to read.

Things that are working for this poem:
Obviously the tone works. It is extremely clear about what it is saying. You aren't hiding anything which makes sense for a poem like this. I like some of the rhythm and slant rhyming toward the end which is much more subtle than the direct rhymes at the beginning of the poem. My favorite slant rhyme here is "blocked list/ love is."

Things that are not working for this poem:

The rhymes towards the top all come across as quite sing-songy which I don't think is the aesthetic this poem needs to be. Anger is frequently dissonant, not perfectly rhymed. "Me/be/dreams/sea." "Joe/nose/implodes/blow." They could work and the "o" rhymes are slant, but they're so close together at the ends of their lines that their presentation is theatrical when it should be firey. I would also love to see more images and metaphors here. I think the main metaphor we get is at the beginning also, "I pour my heart out of an empty glass," (which is super cool). I think more imagery/metaphor and less perfect rhymes would do a lot for you here.

5
iodajoOP•

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the feedback- i kinda liked it being theatrical and a bit melodramatic but i see where you’re coming from. it is in a very raw drafty form right now so your criticism will play onto the final piece so thank you! :))

7
[deleted]•

[removed]

3
[deleted]•

[removed]

3
input_a_new_name•

" No More Love Poems. "

Ends up being a love poem...

2
iodajoOP•

Tell me about it Lol

2
whercarzarfar•

This is an amazing repetition so like the eddy in the mind of someone discovering sex is not love...or whatever else they've used you for.... thank you! Poignant, wholesome, full of fucks we no longer give!

2
iodajoOP•

Thank you! I appreciate that so much :))

1
creepit•

I really liked this. I really like the beat to it and the genuine passion and anger that came off it. It really paints a great image of being frustrated with one's own libido.

Good job!

2
iodajoOP•

Thank you I’m glad the anger came out! Massively appreciated:))

1
ArabianHorse18•

Looks at all the love poems at my profile damn making me self conscious

2
iodajoOP•

Lmaoo don’t worry I have thousands upon thousands 😂

1
ankitbd•

Fiery and fierce. Absolutely enjoyed reading this. I don't know you, but I think I might be in love with you. Don't worry though, my name isn't Joe

2
iodajoOP•

Thank you!! And thank god lmao. I’m glad you enjoyed :)

1
nomuta•

This is genuinely amazing,I just love everything about it nothing to critic here.

2
iodajoOP•

Thank you! That means a lot to me:)

1