[890] The Space Between the Notes - beginning rough draft

Hello,

A bit ago I posted something I was considering using as the beginning, realized it wasn't going to work as the beginning, and started over. So now I am here again.

I really struggle with writing for a YA audience but not making it sound too juvenile, so I would welcome feedback on how it reads in that regard.

Full disclosure, I also tried to salvage some bits I liked from the old beginning, and I’m concerned that they feel forced in. So I’d be interested to know if there’s anything that doesn’t flow right.

Thank you in advance!

Story Link

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Critique: 1665