Awesome. Thanks for the feedback. You give me a lot of great pointers.  I can apply the advice to my future work. I appreciate you taking the time to go through my piece and note the trouble spots.

**Your Specific Requests**

Formatting, punctuation, and tense choice are, largely, perfect. All-in-all, I personally didn’t notice any big issues. You do have a few points where your periods are outside of your quotation marks, but, honestly, it’s not a big issue and not everyone agrees on that to begin with.

You do have some issues with clunky sentences, which I talk about in the Form section.

**On Content**

I can tell the general concept you want to convey here–a quick talk about old memories–but it’s a bit poorly organized. As I’ll talk about in a bit, the early sections bounce between informal talk about your own childhood and formal article about *Wonder Years*.

After that, you move on to talk about what *Wonder Years* meant to you as a kid, but don’t really go into depth about the piece’s namesake, your TV Girlfriend. You mention her briefly at the end of your talk about the show, but then immediately delve into talks about innocence and your view of the 90’s overall (which 

Thanks for your input. I will make sure I have edits turned on for the google docs I submit. Your constructive criticism was on point and I will take the time to really break down my ideas before delivering rough drafts onto the masses. Sometimes I get ahead of myself and really want to share. This will have to take some restraint on my part. To really step up my game, I’m going to have to deliver a more polished piece, not just the random thought of the day. 

Thanks for your help friend.

I'll go through your specific asks and then comment more broadly. 

**Tenses**

All seemed good to me. Nothing to change here. 

**Clunkiness**

Definitely some clunkiness throughout. Examples:

>The star of the show, a kid named Kevin, or more importantly, his inner monologue, charted his life path through puberty and adolescence. 

A lot of clauses stuffed in here. When you write out a long sentence like this, think of how you may be able to break it up so it's more readable. My suggestion: 'A kid named Kevin was the star of the show. His inner monologue charted his life path through puberty and adolescence."

This happens quite a bit throughout. I'd recommend taking a second look at your compound sentences and thinking, would this make more sense as two sentences? It will also help the flow of the piece, as varied sentence lengths and structures make writing much more interesting and rhythmic to read.

**Formatting**

Formatting was fine, paragraph structure made sense and punctuati

Writers gotta write man. Writers gotta write.

I still keep wondering why people would write longer "criticism" than the length of the story...

You wrote a diary entry. Nothing wrong with it, in fact you could - if you cut the break of the 4th wall - continue this and write something like an Autobiography in the form of a diary of it. How he/she developed, what mistakes happened, how he/she found out it's just a Disney movie ...

But, while we are at it, you need to describe the physical attraction the character has to his "TV Girlfriend" - Boobies! - and more of his/her phantasies about them.

Good morning friends. This is a quick introspective piece. 

I was reading Apple News over my morning coffee, my daily routine, and I read a “Where are they now?” piece about the cast of a show I watched when I was a kid. 

I am working on polishing my present/past tense word choices so if you see any stand out lines that break those rules, please note them. I would appreciate the help. 

Any clunky sentences that stop the flow?

Is the formatting correct, i.e. paragraph structure/punctuation?

Thanks for the read. Any input is appreciated. 

[[645] TV Girlfriend ](https://docs.google.com/document/d/15Duf6OyyDwsrMhj2UfTIgiY7wuwzNcKGYf3kFD5tGPY/edit)

[[890 Critique]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/l91ip0/890_the_space_between_the_notes_beginning_rough/glfxe3y/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3)