[1911] Jimmy the Dead

I really, really hate to say this, but this is about one decent-sized scene away from being a complete piece. I come for help. I know I can’t expect anyone to come along and tell me how this will end, but I’m hoping with some tone/plot feedback to bounce off, I can get a better idea of how this should end.

And speaking of humor, there’s quite a bit more of it here than I’ve been using lately, so don’t hesitate to let me know if it ever feels forced or otherwise falls flat. All that said, there’s no particular feedback I’m really looking for. Just have at it, and let me know if you’d read on to see what happens!

Critique:

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/lauq6g/1980_lake_sardus_chapter_1/gm4qbc9/

Submission:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JByzouYE4amhSgwZ_4merLK5R2aGvofz/edit