Source
r/seduction•
ge99

Saying "not giving a fuck"

Recently the term "not giving a fuck" has started popping up and being popular on seddit. This term could be harmful, encourage douchy behavior and shouldn't be the phrase that's on your mind when developing your inner game.

The phrase "not giving a fuck" first applies in life situations where you are outside your comfort zone. This could include simply doing an activity you have never done before because of fear.

Lets say you have a fear of doing yoga. Yoga shows off your body's flaws, you will suck at first and there is always the chance of stress farting. Sucks as a beginner.

You have two mental options:

  1. I DONT GIVE A FUCK AND ILL DO YOGA

  2. I'm going to go to Yoga because I like improving my physical and mental condition. I realize by body has flaws and so does everybody else. I'm totally comfortable with the body I have. Its always fun and exciting doing new activities that I've never done before. I don't give up and I will succeed at getting better at Yoga because I'm the type of person that always gives 100% to improve at a task.

The 2nd option is always preferred because its 100% internalized. There is no comfort zone to break anymore. You are always comfortable with foreign and strange situations because you've internalized justifications for why you are there and doing these things.

Even embarrassing scenarios become interesting and fun once you develop past the "not giving a fuck mindset". Instead of thinking "lol this is embarrassing but I don't GIVE A FUCK" you are thinking how fun it is to make other people laugh or how awesome this memory will be to relive later.

Now in regards to pickup in its simplest sense its really easy to internalize the "not giving a fuck" mindset and becoming a fool of a man.

You don't approach because you don't give a fuck because of rejection. You approach because you like meeting new people and you know people enjoy your company. You approach because you give people value. Handing out gifts feels good right?

You don't go up to a girl and dance with her because you don't give a fuck what she thinks. You dance with her because you** love dancing and she'll really enjoy dancing with you**.

You don't escalate because you don't give a fuck if she says no. You escalate because you know you'll both really enjoy the sexual and physical experience you'll have together.

Here is a good video which explains more about this concept: Tyler from RSD - Congruence

With the type of mindset I've outlined here you will stop being in and out of state. Your state is solid because the backing mindset you have is always 100% part of you.

Hope this makes sense and I'll be happy to discuss more in the comments to further explain the idea if anybody is confused.

Posted Oct 31, 2011, 12:37 AM UTC

3219
Aeterne•

This is excellent work. I can see the mental reasoning behind the phrase but it brims with negativity that you won't impress anyone with, unless you use it sparingly, at best. What you have here is a lot better.

It's basically not giving a fuck about not giving a fuck.

10
warpcowboy•

If you have Reddit Enhancement Suite, tag ge99 so you can recognize him around Seddit. Always real insightful stuff.

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[deleted]•

[deleted]

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MARSpu•

I feel like the context you are accepting "not giving a fuck" in is the problem, not the phrase itself. Not giving a fuck is merely ignoring other's opinions of yourself.

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frogmaModerator•

Well it could also mean a ton of other shit. Freshman year of college was when I got the most pussy by far. It happened daily. It mainly happened because I stopped giving a fuck in all aspects of my life- didn't go to class often, didn't shower, didn't shave, didn't brush my teeth for weeks at a time, didn't wear clean clothes most of the time, and generally just didn't care.

It helped immensely with girls, because I brought that attitude along with me when I went out during the day, and especially at night. So I'd approach a girl and I'd be thinking "I'm gonna get my dick wet tonight- it might not be with this girl, but it's gonna happen." Total outcome-independence (with the specific girl at least).

The problem was that I had that same mindset in other areas of my life where it really wasn't beneficial (I don't go to that school anymore, if you catch my drift).

Where it did help though is in exactly what you said. I spent my whole life trying to conform to the crowd and seeking value from other people. When I stopped doing that, it's like all this weight was lifted off my shoulders and I became a totally different person. It's funny how girls don't seem to care about your physical attractiveness, as long as you're really confident, outgoing, and giving off the sort of vibe like you're just "playing" with them (which is exactly what I did, but I've evolved from that). As long as you're only taking this advice in that context (and maybe a few others), you're good. I think OP described it pretty well though.

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MARSpu•

Do you think it did you some real good? Do you think its good advice you would give others to try?

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frogmaModerator•

Short answer would be yeah, totally.

It's more complicated though when it comes to the specific circumstances where you can implement the advice (kinda like what I said, and what you said). If you're using it as a reason to excuse yourself from approaching, that's the wrong way to use it. If you're using it to say "I'm gonna approach this girl, and then that girl, and then that girl over there because I don't give a fuck about what they think of me and I don't care if it works out or not," that's a healthier way to approach it.

When it comes to escalating, same thing. I don't give a fuck if I take it too far or too fast- I only give a fuck if I take it too slow. Though even then it's fine because I can find another girl and do the same thing. When you mix that sort of mindset together with some calibration, it turns into results.

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[deleted]•

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-7
[deleted]•

That's horrible advice. "Be yourself" is meaningless. If it means "keep doing what you're doing", it obviously won't work for the people who need advice about seduction. If it means something else, it's impossible to say what, and doesn't come with an action plan. "Waiting for the perfect person to come around" will only breed passivity.

Society tells you to be yourself and wait for the right person to come along. It doesn't work. Nor does it have much to do with this post.

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Neko_monster•

I would have to agree with you. There is always room to progress, and most people do.

2
frogmaModerator•

What I always say to people who use your approach is that yeah, it technically works (assuming you're not a loner). If you're happy with your current situation, keep doing it.

But what I do is I hook up with girls. I go out of my way to make it happen. I'm still gonna find that "right" girl, just like the guy who waits. But I'll find her much more quickly since I'm focusing on that, and I'll be finding a bunch of other girls too.

One of the main benefits is that I'm getting all sorts of experience. If you're waiting around and not getting any experience, you've probably been passed up by a million girls who would've been great for you, but simply weren't very attracted (or maybe you didn't approach/escalate in the first place, so you have no idea whether they would've been good for you or not). Eventually you'll probably find one who is, sure, but there's really no added benefit to waiting. Both strategies will (hopefully) get you the girl you want. In high school I was with a girl who was perfect for me, but I basically ruined the relationship by being too clingy and jealous (due to lack of experience). I'm not like that anymore, and the experiences I've had since then have all been totally under my control. I've had a handful of LTRs and they ended on my terms. I hook up with girls every week, I have some fuck buddies, and I'm meeting new girls all the time. I can't picture any alternate universe where "waiting for the right girl" is a better approach than mine.

The other issue with "being yourself" is the implied assumption that you're already talking to girls and doing the shit we talk about here. Whether you're doing it naturally or you have to learn it, you're still doing it.

One of the keys to seduction is escalation- you can either figure it out naturally, and/or you can learn all about it here and start incorporating it. Either way, zero escalation will get you zero girls, absolutely positively guaranteed. You need to escalate the interaction if you want it to lead to anything, no matter who the girl is, no matter how much she already likes you, no matter what. In other words, if the "yourself" you're being is the sort of guy who escalates, awesome- but that also means you're naturally incorporating some of the shit we talk about here. If you're not the sort of guy who escalates, being yourself isn't gonna work at all, until you change into the sort of guy who escalates. The same can be said for anything else you'll find here. If you can already build attraction and shit, then "yourself" is awesome. If you can't, you aint gonna do shit with girls.

Being "yourself" is wholly dependent on who that "self" is. If it's not a good "self," then it'd be the worst idea ever to just "be yourself." If that's the sort of advice I used at the start of college, I'd be the same guy I was in high school, and that would've been horrible. Luckily I forced myself to change my mindset and my habits, so now "myself" is an awesome guy. Change is required regardless- call it "growth" if that's a more comfortable term. I'm always growing and gaining new experiences, so I'm never the same person I was yesterday. That's a good thing.

I think "be yourself" would be better expressed as "be confident in yourself, accept yourself wholly for who you are as a person, and make sure you start doing the shit we talk about here if you're not already doing it."

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Neko_monster•

Question: Do you think the same concept should be applied from a woman's position on seduction?

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WolfInTheField•

That last sentence is basically the whole manual of natural game, isn't it?

Frogma, you boss.

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illusiveab•

It means be yourself but learn better social dynamics to avoid passivity.

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Neko_monster•

Exactly!

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silencegold•

If you're going to be yourself - you won't be a fisherman trying to make a catch.

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