Boney Boy. A piece on parallels between loving myself and others.

Wow - the raw imagery here really delivers the impact. It's unsettling, and the matter of fact tone makes it all the more tragic to read. I'm absolutely in love with the concept behind this and with the title. Really a unique piece of writing. I think slight adjustments to the actual language would make this a home-run. Here are some of my suggestions:

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My skin doesn't cover my bones very well.

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I know you feel sick and sad,

Seeing me like this.

I know your head hurts,

Thinking about how I treat myself.

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It hurts enough for you to hate me,

To want to pull the skin off

Find my brain

and expose (**or show, your choice:) my bones.

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I'm sorry that

My skin doesn't cover my bones very well.

I tried covering you with it to keep you safe

To do for you what my skin can't do for my bones.

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Again, wonderful work. Keep writing!

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Edit: Ending the third stanza with "bones" actually sounds repetitive I realize! Maybe "heart" would go better?

To me, this sounds like it could be coming from a person who either has an eating disorder or body dysmorphia. His skin doesn't cover his bones well due to the boy being super thin in an unhealthy way. The mention of how he treats himself could be from the eating disorder hurting his body or the self hatred filling his mind. The writer says they tried to keep the boy safe. They essentially want to have tougher skin to protect themselves, their health, their mind. Reading this made me a bit sad. I can kinda understand to some extent, as there are parts of my body that I wish I could change. Although maybe I'm just trying to sympathize, as I don't have any of those disorders.

I like your title. It reminds me of 18th century nonfiction. Boney Boy: A Piece on the Parallels Between Loving Myself and Others. Also, the content is very well executed. The narrator inhabits the mind of someone else and tries to see themselves through the eyes of another. Then it transitions to apologetics. Figuratively, an apology. "I'm sorry." Literally, an explanation/defense. "I tried to keep you safe." Ultimately, the final appeal is to our sympathetic heart strings, "I want to be everything to you that my skin can't be to my bones." That's something that either works or doesn't. Here I think it works. Your writing was emotionally powerful and visceral throughout. Well done!

Concern from others can, at times, feel almost patronizing or put undue pressure on ourselves to feel better about ourselves for their sake. The response to that kind of pressure can range from apathy, or regret that you can't make let go of whatever is making you feel exposed or less than, because your bones don't cover your skin so well. That's my interpretation at least. Good work.

I have a few family and friends that suffer from an eating disorder and I think you captured so much of what it feels like to be on both sides of that. The poem felt incredibly honest which is always very difficult when talking about mental illness (or perceived mental illness), our own or anyone else's. It's very easy to fall into very dramatic and dark language, or to go too far in the other direction and deflect with humour, and you end up saying very little. I really felt a balance to the whole flow, and I learned something. I felt there was a mutual understanding between the speaker and the person(s) they are speaking to about the tragedy of the whole thing. Both understand they can't give the other person what they need.

Also, I personally love reading poems aloud, and rhythm is really important to my enjoyment of a poem. Your first four lines are a joy to read. Nice use of alliteration and the words bounced off one another as i spoke them. I like the the repetition of "to think" in the fourth and fifth line too. You set up a rhythm and gave a surprise, it made the whole poem more interesting, especially on first read.

I don't really have any major criticisms. I agree with one of the other comments that the use of the word "bones" in the third-to-last and last lines is a bit much. i would save it for the last line to get the full impact.

Also ( and this may just be me personally) but the second to last line felt out of place. It sounds like you are about to begin another idea and then the poem ends in the next line. Is he/she/you trying to hide whats going on with them, are they forced to lie? It was a little jarring, so if anybody else agrees, my suggestion would be to change the line to a thought that matches the earlier part of the verse, or expand it to a full verse. That's just my two cents though.

Hope this helped!