You're so much more beautiful without me

this speaks so richly to the nature of relationships wherein addiction plays a part. The numbness, the isolation, the self deprecation. as a person whos been there, I must tell you that the raw realness here is beautiful.

Damn I feel this. Loving someone you aren’t good for is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

I've a hunch that the "blue eyes" line alludes to something I've read or listened to before, but I don't know what. Perhaps I suspect that because I heard "Behind Blue Eyes" on the radio recently. In any case, it gives us as readers an image of the person the speaker is speaking to while giving us a clue of what the poem is about without spoiling it.

The line about the speaker's life being saved by the person to whom they're speaking suggests this person was once important to them. This combined with the titular closing line adds brightness to contrast the overall darkness of the poem, which makes its darkness seem darker. I like that a lot. Your careful use of profanity also makes the poem feel more like someone's real spoken words and in turn makes the emotions expressed by its speaker feel more real.

As for negatives, I feel obligated to point out your inconsistent apostrophe usage and capitalization. The latter is a case of straightforward typos easy to fix by changing the first letter of each line to a capital, but the former not entirely so. "I'm" should contain an apostrophe or be expanded to not need it, ditto for "'cause" since you're using it as a contraction; meanwhile, "you are" is written out in the poem itself but contracted in its title, which I feel should be made consistent with your choice for "'cause" and "I'm". None of those issues made me not like the poem, but if fixed I suspect the poem would be even better.

oh wow, this is beautiful. this is one of the few times i comment on a poem purely because it makes me feel something special rather than me wanting to post one myself. you've created something raw and emotional that reads like pure feelings and it hits maybe a little too close to home for me. honestly, thank you - i'll be thinking of your final line for a long time to come.

That's some heartache. I know a person who was in the same position as the speaker in this poem and she never got over it when he left her.

Addiction has played a huge roll in my life especially in relationships so I know exactly what you feel. I would really love to see a poem from a third person pov describing yourself. Look from the outside.

[removed]

This is, as real a description of the pain flowing through meye days of torment, as I could put to paper... very deep. Love.

I can't necessarily say that I can relate but that part will they will purposely miss the call hit. That shit hit real deep. Nice poem, really seems to get stuff off your chest

This is emotionally all over the place and difficult for me to follow, but that is perhaps the strength of this poem. The unhidden blue eyes save you, but you are not sure that they did. You want them to save you again, but they don't. So you get high alone, but can't shake the feeling of being alone. Then blue eyes reach out, but you are already satisfied in an out of body way. You think the blue eyes are more beautiful far away from you. What will you feel next?

This I am not writing just to provide the proof for two feedbacks but it may also provide some value, that being said,

Hello !

In my humble opinion, the narrative part of forming a plot is good, but what I see it lacks is the flow(which I like, and I am sure other people will have different view over it). "Flow" can be created either from rhythm or rhyme, 2nd and 4th line seems to be too long and feels like stagnation and a line of prose than of verse.

Oof, this spoke to my soul. I can feel this in my bones. I’ve been through everything described here. Just beautiful. It takes a strong person to admit that letting go of someone you love if it betters them is one of the most beautiful and selfless things you can do. If this is from personal experience, I’m PROUD OF YOU.

That last line really nails the pain into this poem.

I really liked how this poem was written. I especially enjoyed how the use of swears brings some anger into the piece, rather than just being a common sad break up poem.

There isn’t much criticism I could give this poem, I just wish there were more descriptive lines like the first one, where you mentioned the person’s blue eyes. Overall, great job and keep up the good work!

[removed]

So basically this is about someone reminiscing while high about the collapse of a relationship. The narrator had an overdose and their partner saved them, but the narrator also thinks that their partner doesn't love them anymore, maybe because of the drugs. The partner also tried to reestablish contact but the narrator turned them away. It ends on a "poor me" note.

I'm not given any explanation for why this other person doesn't love the speaker anymore. The speaker seems pretty certain about it -- "blue eyes can't hide", which I think means that the speaker can tell their partner doesn't love them anymore -- but everything that this other person does indicates that they care a lot. This makes me think it's unreliable narration, again perhaps due to substance abuse. "You're so much more beautiful without me" sounds like "I am in a self-destructive spiral, and do not believe that anyone could actually care about me, and so I do not want to destroy anyone else". Which is a valid feeling, but again, it makes me question the speaker's version of events.

The rhyme scheme is really inconsistent -- there are a few lines where you just drop it entirely -- and kinda distracting. It just sounds like you used rhyme as a structure because you weren't sure what else to do. Poems don't have to rhyme and I'd recommend you drop it here.

The language is really direct but just kinda wallowing. Emote, emote, emote. So what? Why should I care? It would help me feel some more sympathy if I knew more about what's going on, but it kinda seems like the speaker has caused all of their own problems. "I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm full of despair" are all direct ways of communicating but honestly not that interesting. Some figurative language or imagery or metaphors might color the poem.

[removed]

I just want to say thank you for the awards and all the great feedback and comments my poem has received. I don’t tell anyone in my personal life that I write. It feels good to share my poetry with people and not to mention that I see so many great poems on this subreddit.