I just want to scream at them
I had made a post over a month ago regarding a friend that was literally family who was dealing with many demons. I am basically their punching bag when they feel anxious, depressed, or frustrated with life. All their negative thoughts come unfiltered to me. They have promised to cut down on their drinking and drugs but have refused to get sober (they admit they are addicted to substances but refuse to get clean at this present moment in time). I have tried to disconnect emotionally while also being there for them. But sometimes their words cut through. A few days ago something really great happened in my own personal life and this person's first reaction was to cut me down for it. I feel like they are draining me every day. I have been in this person's life for a decade and if I walk away, they won't have anyone for support. But I also feel hurt. I just wanted to vent because I don't want to bring this up with them and hurt them when they are already going through a very tough time in life.
Posted Mar 23, 2021, 7:52 AM UTC
I was in similar situation and followed suggestions to state again to my person that I don't know how to help them . That their pain is causing me pain so I need a break to get better myself. I need no talk /text until I am healthy. Initially they understood but couldn't stop texting so I then blocked the number etc - it worked out great but took a very long time
I just recently had to block a number of someone who was similar. I got nothing but negative energy from them and each interaction left me feeling awful. When I asked for a break they ignored it. So in the end I blocked her. I am stressed because I am worried she won't respect my boundaries again, but hopefully this will calm down in time.
Thank you. I am seriously starting to think about taking a break from this person (although right now may be terrible timing for them as they are going through a lot). But, I also cannot handle it. Their extraordinarily negative thoughts (including things their fantasies about self harm) are doing me a lot of damage. They have promised to go for therapy and sort it out there but I don't know if emotionally I can wait until they get to that space where they can trust their therapist. I know what I should do for my own good but I am also worried sick about it.
You can't fix them, and they are using you as a scapegoat to their own problems...so in the end - are you really actually helping them or giving them a reason to not help themselves?
I think for years I have just enabled them. And taken their negative and harmful words and actions. I really am so tired. I don't want to be responsible for whether or not they are functional in life.
I understand that.... I guess my question would be - can you go about your day in happiness without interacting with them? are you relying on their functionality? And if so - what is the daily functions that you need from them?