One of the Boys

It's a crisp fall day at dusk

and twelve of us

decide to play football

in the park.

​

You are running unguarded

and Tom darts

the ball to your chest

on a slant across the middle.

​

I'm not large, a seventh grader

skinny

but I break off my coverage of Adam

and drive my young male body into your long flowing hair with effortless grace.

​

Your momentum

breaks

and then reverses / in an instant.

My youth / on top of yours / with more force / than I anticipated /

or intended.

​

You feel great beneath me,

but I roll to the side.

"Are you okay?"

"I didn't mean to hit you so hard."

​

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Posted Mar 26, 2021, 4:43 PM UTC · edited

98
snipermilkshake•

this is funny innocent, relatable and great poem over all, I'm new to poetry so I don't know what style this is but It doesn't have the best flow but maybe I'm wrong, overall great tho.

2
Siamese_Dreaming•

hahah this is an amusing poem, you have a way of portraying vivid images but without using overly complex language. you drop in certain details that help us to understand the story effectively, i.e the "I'm not large, a seventh grader / skinny" really adds context to the poem (by stating the narrator's age, but in an interesting way). I also like how you casually included the names "tom" and "adam", it makes the reader feel like they already know who these people are. the line "you feel great underneath me" is obviously a little daring but still aligns with the childlike/innocent perspective of the narrator and adds some humor too. i was thinking the person the narrator fell on might have been another boy he was playing football with, which would definitely give the poem another dimension (i.e. starting to discover your sexuality at a young age). but "long flowing hair" makes me feel like it was probably a girl.

2
asearchforyouOP•

Thank you, Siamese_Dreaming. I'm amused that you know Tom and Adam, too. Small world!

1
Siamese_Dreaming•

Yeah, me, Tom, and Adam go way back

2
squnchdawg6000•

I agree with the earlier comment, not the BEST flow but definitely an interesting poem. And you leave the mystery of who you tackle with the name Tom, could mean Tom-girl or a literal guy named Tom. Interesting.

2
No_1ne•

I wonder if it was intentional that I felt so uncomfortable reading this. That's not a criticism, I think the awkwardness of the moment being describe almost calls for a sort of unease, unsure of what to do with yourself. It harkens back memories of being a dorky kid slowly growing up, which was pretty uncomfortable at the time. The only thing I am not so sure about was that one line near the middle that's much longer than the rest, but I think it flows well overall.

2
hopelesslylimerent•

This has me super intrigued because of the sheer ambiguity about whether or not it’s meant to be homoerotic. One could interpret the title “One of the Boys” as a girl being included in the boys’ group and traditionally male activity. But there’d be equal validity in reading “One of the Boys” as the narrator’s identification of himself. He knows he likes boys but it puts him in an odd position of straddling two worlds. One where he’s having fun being “one of the boys” and one where he has anxiety about liking boys and wondering if he’s not manly enough because of it. Either way, really well done.

2
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