I had to watch my dad die.
I'm only 15 years old, but I had to watch my old man die. It was very sudden, mum calling the police and me having go do CPR on him until the ambulance arrive. I watched the life fade out of his eyes.
It was the scariest moment of my life, and no doubt about it, it will continue to be. This was about a month ago, and I'm hoping it'll get better, but it isn't and probably never will. It's fucking painful, even though there was nothing realistically I could've done (around a 12% chance of surviving cardiac arrest afaik) I still feel like I could've done more, like I could' ve saved him.
People always are telling me that I'm "so brave" and "so strong" for doing that, but I'm not. At that time I was just a scared, confused little boy who was thrusted into a life-or-death situation where the odds were stacked against him. It's fucking painful, dude.
Posted Apr 12, 2021, 3:14 PM UTC
Sounds Like you are well on your way. This kind of thing is terrible, And usually people can get lost in the deepest emotional parts of it.. Your self awareness is key. Understanding what you went through, And Accepting the things that were beyond your control. I'm sorry you had to experience this. Keep talking to people, Keep talking to yourself. One day youll heal, Maybe not, But you;; at least learn to deal with it. You have a good head on your shoulders. You'll Be okay.