Outsider
The land I rest my head on never belonged to me
It sings lullabies for her children.
The house I have occupied should have never stood here
It lays on foundations of past homes.
My two feet should have never stomped on this foreign grass
It wants familiar feet to touch it.
The trees here wish I did not seek refuge in their shade
They grew here to protect someone else.
My motherland promises me all this and much more
But how can I return to her now?
I do not know her. I barely met her in my life.
She has never been there to raise me.
I was taken from her before I was even born
Another mother forced to nurse me.
This foreign mother reluctantly adopted me,
Have I overstayed my visit here?
This is my first attempt at a poem. I never wrote anything before so I know this is bad. Please give me a lot of constructive criticism because I truly want to get better and improve upon it. I can handle it.
Posted Apr 15, 2021, 6:07 AM UTC
You don't get to decide if your art is good or bad.. Nobody does, in fact the only reason you write is to be who you are. That said, i think the way you constructed your poem is beautiful. I see themes of unrest and agitation, and longing. You capture these emotions in a very clear headed way. I did, however get "lost" in the last lines. This may stem from the fact that this maybe your first attempt at poeming. But if that was the intended effect to be produced upon your readers, then it's brilliant. Please keep putting out more stuff ❤️
Thank you for your feedback truly. I wrote this poem in an attempt to convey my feelings that result from having been raised in an immigrant family. Although I do feel lost in this world because I don't feel like I truly belong here or there, I will look at the last lines again to make sure that it shows the right kind of "lost". 😊
Thank You! It's like laughter or a good cry being critiqued . It's an expression, like poetry.