Being so irritable in the evening

I know this feeling since I started working a “real” job. My poor partner! I’m silent at dinner because I don’t want to open my mouth in fear that I will say something wrong. All I can think of is that it’s mental fatigue because I’m fine on the weekends at that time of day. I have no advice just commiseration.

Your milage may definitely vary (stimulant mellow me out) but on days where my adderall isn’t quite taking me all the way I’ll have a cup of tea or a small cup of coffee in the evening.

My pharmacologist recommended L-theanine to calm it. I need to look into it because I’m a Rage monster if things go south when my meds wear off.

My really tough hours are 3-5pm and I think for the opposite reason to you — I think I’m under stimulated and freak out bc of this.

So I’m commenting to say thanks for posting this bc stimulation somehow had not occurred to me when trying to figure this problem out, but mostly am posting to say thank you and that you’re doing a really good job.

It’s amazing to me that you’re being mindful and present enough to recognize a painful pattern for yourself and your children — and that you’re seeking advice on how to make it better.

I grew up with three younger brothers and the evenings you’re describing here sound like most of ours growing up. I’m sure that my mom was just incredibly overwhelmed (4 kids wuttt) but I just think it’s so impressive that you’re trying to make it better.

Also, I have one kid - a baby of 6 months and omfg the idea of giving him a bath every night for the rest of my days!!!? Lol wow.

Spreading the tasks out would be how id probably try to tackle your problem. Good luck.

I have the same issue. Round 4-5 I get a dip and become cranky and annoyed at everything. I feel terrible for my partner. Nice to hear others deal with the same issue. Good luck to all of you!!

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Would it help to take a short break before the meltdown starts? for example, go meditate or have a cup of tea around 3pm or right after lunch...

Alternatively, split with the tasks or rearrange them so it wont be so overwhelming?

be kinder to yourself! it’s ok to feel angsty after a couple hours with the kids and work

This is when I crash too. I don’t know if it’s meds wearing off or just me running out of steam. I feel like I need a 3 hour nap in the middle of every day to be able to make it past this time

I’ve found a couple of food/drink options that help:

1. Protein - 1/2 a chicken breast & veggies (too much makes me crash again) And avoiding carbs those make me feel worse.
2. Electrolytes like Propel or LMNT (lime juice covers up the salt on that one). Or salted sunflower seeds.
3. Water. I used to get an unsweetened passion tea from Starbucks in the afternoon and always thought it was caffeinated cause I’d get such a good boost from it. Turns out it’s caffeine free. So I think it’s just that I like the flavor and drink it rapidly/hydrate myself rapidly. I now add water to my coffee cause iced coffee makes me feel better - again, water content.

Ashwaganda might be worth a try, it's found in like every supplement aisle at the grocery store. If I'm angry at my partner for no reason or just really irritable it helps regulate my emotions and calm me down. It also starts working in under 10 minutes which is very helpful, especially during breakdowns.

Hi OP 👋 I’m only recently diagnosed so I’m still working on figuring out the best med(s)/dose/schedule for me, but FWIW, I’ve experienced what you’re talking about on a variety of diff meds/doses and also unmedicated!

When my kid was a baby, for at least a year, the hours you’re talking about are when things would reliably fall apart every night. We called it “the witching hours,” but we definitely didn’t come up with the term. It’s A Thing with babies, apparently.

And maybe with more than just babies. Have you ever heard the term “sundowning” relating to (usually elderly) dementia patients? It seems like there’s a certain time of evening where stuff is more likely to “switch” for them—confusion, agitation, etc. It happens right when you’re talking about, and it’s a neurological issue. Not suggesting you have dementia, by any means!! Just saying that it seems these are “witching hours” for a variety of people/ages across the spectrum. Maybe it’s evolutionary or something, who knows? Maybe we’re wired from cave person days to prepare for the night somehow before we lose the last of the light.

Anyway. People have suggested a lotta good things here-hopefully some of them will help!!

I’ve been having a later-in-the-day cup of caffeinated tea, and it helps a bit. I also want to add marijuana to the mix here, depending on your feelings about that. It’s legal where I live and my husband actually has a legit prescription for back pain. It comes in chewable pill form. I don’t take them regularly but I have been known to take half on like, a bad PMS day where I can’t deal.

Wanna thank you for posting here about this bc I’m sure it’ll be helpful/relatable to a lotta people.

Be kind to yourself, evolved caveperson! I only have one kid and I’m wiped by 5. You’ve got THREE? Hardcore, sister. 💜💜💜💪💪

I knew a guy in college whose doctor would prescribe him an extended release for the day and then a mini pill to take in the evening after it wore off. IDK how insurance covered it (it might not?) but you could look into that?

Could you also be dealing with depression?

Are you in a state where weed is legal for recreational use? You could try a low-dose gummy or tincture so you don't have to smoke it around your kids. THC really helps me with irritability and anxiety and negative self-talk, and a low dose gummy might be intense at first but you can start by only eating part of it and then ramping up as your tolerance increases. Definitely not something I want to use while I'm working/driving, but it can really help me be relaxed and methodical in the evening.

Youre exhausted. Im sorry. I read somewhere that if you are irritable and dont know why: scan your body, does anything hurt? Go take a pain reliever. Sometimes we dont realize something hurts or we are just plain tired. Hope you have a cuddly evening even just with a stuffed animal and a tv show!