Bowl in the rain

This is nice. I like the length. 5-7-7-7 with rhymes on the second and fourth line.

There's also a mix between the tangible and unclear. We know where you are (in the rain), and we know what you are doing (smoking weed). But what is the pain you are numbing? What does it mean to be covered edge to edge?

You could have fleshed these things out more in additional verses, but I'm comfortable in mystery and I like that you've left plenty.

Nice work. You’ve described a scene and feeling I can sink myself into in just a few words.

The words that you write

make me feel like

smoking a bowl in the rain.

I enjoy writers that don't beat around the bush, so I love the simplicity and conciseness of the last 3 lines. It also helps me find the tone to read it (monotone/dead). I get you weren't in a great space when you wrote it and I think anyone that reads it can empathize right away.

I just don't like the first line, as it doesn't fit with the simplicity and conciseness of the rest of it, you know? What difference does it make that the bowl is full?

Remarkable job of evoking a very real mental image, and a strong sense of despondency, in so few words. Really makes me think "just how much remaining pain is there?" and "does this person feel like only pain awaits them?"

This is beautiful, short but powerful. Raw yet familiar. I just love stoner poetry!

[removed]

I feel the words in my bones .. thanks for the feeling.

Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[removed]

[removed]