Sonnet--To an American Painter Departed for Heaven

i don't really have the time to do a big honking sonnet like this a lot of justice, but i want to help you (mainly because you asked nicely). so here's what i'd worry about:

1. 19th century sonnets almost always use full sentences (a sentence can go on to multiple lines, but they're still sentences). your lines 4, 5-7, the last line, maybe some others have problems in this regard.

2. your poem combines american and british spellings (realizes is american and grey is british).

3. your first two lines are extremely close to the original wording; if that could be a problem for your assignment, i would watch out there.

good luck!

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This is a great poem; a clever and moving re-thinking of the original. Here's just a few thoughts I had:

A few things I liked:

'what was once your native land'- The 'was once' bit suggests that America had changed so much that it's not even America anymore. The America that Cole was a native of has been replaced.

'filled with lives'- I think that the more normal way of writing this would be 'filled with life'. The fact that you've used the plural gives the word a sense of individuality. Like it's multiple 'lives', not just some indistinguished mass of 'life', if that makes sense. This makes the fact that that's all been lost more painful and sad.

The couplet at the end is great. I especially like "dim dot". I think the two stressed syllables together plus the alliterative 'd', with its harsh, firm plosive, creates a sense of finality, which fits with the message that Cole should firmly put Earth behind him.

And a few things I didn't:

In line 11, you've got a list of all the beautiful things in heaven. I feel like the adjective "raw" is out of place. You're using it (I think) to mean unspoiled and new, but 'raw' sort of has connotations of painfulness. Like how if a song is raw, that means it's really emotionally charged. That doesn't really fit with the rest of the line. Perhaps try a different adjective?

In line 13, you've used the phrase 'tears of joy'. That imagery is lovely, but I feel that 'tears of joy' is a bit of a cliché. Even just rephrasing that, maybe as 'joyous tears' or something, would give the line more power.

On a similar note, I feel like 'trace' in 'nowhere the trace of men' is a bit of a missed opportunity. Could you maybe use a more effective noun? Perhaps, the 'rust of men' or the 'taint of men' or something. You might not what to, but I just feel there could be something better there.

Lastly, some on the lines are a little hard to understand without quite a few reads. I recommend a comma after 'now' in line 5 and a full stop after 'fine' in line 9 just to make it read a little clearer.

Good luck! I really like this!