Source
r/JustNoTruth•
CircuitousWall

Is shitty timing genetic?

I'd hang up too

Has this OP been posted before? Her title is click-baity as shit and leads the reader to believe her parents both hung up knowing the call was about newborn granddaughter when, in fact, SHE CALLED THEM AT 6AM:

> but my dad gets up at 5am every morning and usually calls me at that time because I am also up (have toddlers, and am also a teacher so my day starts mega early).

Man, no way. No way in hell. Or stupid as hell. No, come on, this is bullshit, right?

Her post history is messy as fuck, too. Surely she's been posted here.

ETA: corrected time from 5am to 6am

ETA2: took out stupid thing I said about parenting toddlers

Posted May 27, 2021, 4:04 PM UTC · edited

2531
Tzuchen•

It sounds like she was some degree of low-contact with them before the birth of her daughter:

I have been dodging their calls and keeping things short lately

And then was surprised-Pikachu that they weren't delighted by her 6am phone call. I'm always amazed at the number of posters who don't realize that when you cut people off (even for valid reasons, maybe hers were, IDK) there's a damn good chance that they're not gonna be delighted to suddenly hear from you again.

I wake up around five, but that doesn't mean I want my difficult relatives calling at dawn. At least give me a few hours to get caffeinated before we start the emotional roller-coaster ride.

39
[deleted]•

Well said. Quite a few of jnmil's OPs seem to believe that other people aren't actual people. Like they have no feelings or boundaries of their own.

One very common thing in the sub is calling a MIL manipulative because she cried after OP and/or DH were mean to her. Why is it so hard to grasp that being a jerk to someone, whether you're right or not, will have consequences?

18
thebluewitch•

She seems offended that they weren't sitting by the phone, anxiously awaiting her call.

13
ChristieFox•

I have to say: The timing isn't the problem here. When someone calls me to a certain time, I see that as a possibility in their timeframe, and as far as OP establishes, it was their usual time.

The thing is that people overlook that going low or no contact will have an effect. It's not just you deciding things in relationships, the other side decides things as well, like what they do in reaction to your decisions.

Seems one of the effects here was that her father switched his morning around. It happens.

38
CircuitousWallOP•

Right, you’ve said it better than I have. Another case of OP seeing everyone else as an NPC in OP’s storyline and just inertly waiting until OP engages them again. OP gets to have feelings, rules, boundaries, avoid calls/contact, but no one gets to have any feelings about that except abject remorse.

19
MinionsHaveWonOne•

The problem with this OP is that it's all about her.

I don't have a problem with the early call. Sure 6am (not 5am) is an insanely early time to call but if Dad regularly calls OP at that time it's not out if bounds for her to call him at that time. I think OP explained that pretty well.

But I do have a problem with OP deciding her dad's an asshole for hanging up when OP openly admits to dodging and cutting short his calls for days (weeks?) previously. If he's an asshole then so were you. Pregnancy is not an excuse for being an asshole.

OP seems to be yet another one of those people who dish it but can't take it. And never ever self reflect enough to realize their sense of self righteousness is misplaced.

29
mambypambly•

Absolutely this. OP seems to get especially offended when someone leaves her on read or doesn't respond to requests in what she considers a timely manner (i.e. on her schedule).

In the same post where she's complaining about MIL not responding immediately to their request that MIL to watch their kids once OP goes into labor, OP posts this about husband's reaction to MIL asking them to drive across town to her for breakfast:

You all will be impressed with my husband's shiny spine - he didn't respond to her text. He ignored it because he didn't want to lose a few hours of our weekend getting caught up in her shit. I've never been more attracted to him than when he said he left her on read. It was sexy.

a) So it's rude and inconsiderate when MIL leaves them on read, but sexy af when husband does it? And then when MIL does finally answer about watching the kids, it's unacceptable to OP because they happen to be on vacation? As you say, can dish it but definitely can't take it.

b) Really?? The sexiest your husband has ever been to you was when he was... ignoring his mom's texts? Fucking wat??

6
MinionsHaveWonOne•

That post was hilarious. Not only was the whole "left on read" thing hypocritical but the drive to see MIL was too. That post opens with a big long rant about how MIL drives past their area on the way to her vacation but never stops by. A heinous crime. But it's ok for OP & DH to vacation in MILs city but not drive across it to see her. I mean how does OP write all that down and not realize the hypocrisy at work here?

And the whole thing about MIL not responding about babysitting twins while OP is in labour annoyed me too. Sure MIL is a pain for not getting back to you but why are you waiting a month? Why not just call her after a week and say you need to know her decision so you have time to work out a back up plan. Honestly some of these OPs seem to prefer creating unnecessary drama to just using their words.

5
tiredbtch•

How are you gonna ghost someone and be short with them, then get mad they give you the same treatment? Rude.

17
whateverthatis•

It's a double edged sword and OP just got cut.

13
buggle_bunny•

Reminds me of an OP forever ago, her DH would always get up and go to work around 2am, and MIL would send a text to him around 1.45 just wishing him a good day.

And OP would complain about hearing the text, complained one morning it woke up her up and how inappropriate it was and she should call/text during proper hours. But, that is HIS hours, and if his alarms, or movements etc don't wake you, crazy the phone did. But also, if he's left the room quietly, so you can keep sleeping, why did he leave his phone in there, he'd have to come back for it and risk waking you.

So for me the TIME is less of a deal if you know it's THEIR times. But as said, this OP had been ignoring their calls, gone LC with them, avoiding them etc, and now she just calls early and is annoyed that he's not available or wants to talk.

Whether he's awake or not, this isn't a normal call from a normal person, now it's a call from the person who's been avoiding you, that's emotional. Maybe the only reason he actually used to wake up was for the calls, people do that for their kids, and when she stopped, he decided to start sleeping a bit more... Like, I don't see the parents doing anything wrong in this story!

Won't comment on the toddler stuff, don't know anything about them, but I would've thought trying to keep them sleeping would be ideal? Get them used to sleep schedules?

15
tiredbtch•

I forgot about that OP! She was definitely odd, and so was her beef with mil.

The whole issue is that OP feels fine with ghosting and shorting others out, but cannot accept someone giving her the same treatment. Don’t dish it out, if you can’t take it too. The people in our lives aren’t NPC in a video game; they’re people that have thoughts and feelings, and are intelligent enough to realize what someone’s doing to them (LC).

As for the toddlers; meh, all kids are different. My older kid loves schedules and having things orderly, younger one is a total monster that does what he wants. The most I can get out of him is a decent bedtime schedule of 8p-6:30a, naps and other activities are still a struggle.

9
buggle_bunny•

I don't know, my partner left for work this morning, and I'm fairly sure he's just in a rabbit hole building of the game that doesn't really exist until he clocks off later and then his car is back on the map again and I can track his location if I wanted.... Definitely feels NPC. Maybe I'll put him in a pool with no ladder and test the theory.

I guess schedule is also subjective, if their house wakes up at 5am but goes to bed at like 7pm, they're still operating a normal day really. Like people see night owls as lazy because they sleep in til 11am, but they stay up til 3am? They do a lot of work during the night, no less productive than others. Obviously for kids night owl schedule is less ideal, but yeah, I don't judge her for that at all was just a question on my part lol.

I agree, she floats in and out, answers when it suits her, and is shocked, and not just shocked, shocked enough to go to reddit, write out a post, while writing and reading over the post doesn't once click in her head that she may be wrong and still posts it... Like, I agree, she just doesn't see their thoughts and feelings. And honestly, even if they're on good terms and still talk every day, some days people have a shit sleep, maybe he was up all night sick, and OP calls and he just says not now and hangs up, that still isn't wrong lol

8
tiredbtch•

I don't know, my partner left for work this morning, and I'm fairly sure he's just in a rabbit hole building of the game that doesn't really exist until he clocks off later and then his car is back on the map again and I can track his location if I wanted.... Definitely feels NPC. Maybe I'll put him in a pool with no ladder and test the theory.

😂😂😂😂😂 lmao that is glorious!!

But yea, OP needs fo just take a step back and be an adult. She also needs to figure out what sort of relationship she wants with him, she says she’s LC (does she ever say why she’s LC?) but then gets offended when he doesn’t want to talk.

If she really wants a relationship with her dad, then give it a day, text first before calling, and talk it out.

7
buggle_bunny•

Exactly, this is the problem with the sub they throw around time out, LC, NC, VLC, VVLC, VVVLC ... you get the point lol, and it means nothing.

Going LC is a commitment, it's something you're doing for your sanity, but you also want to reduce perhaps holiday drama etc, so you will wish merry christmas once a year, you will go to that one family event and see everyone and then you don't talk until the next one. And if they aren't getting the 'hint' and they keep calling you, just communicate what you're doing, because they aren't mind readers and they aren't doing anything wrong by trying to check in with someone who's dropped out.

You can't just... drop out... decide you needed it, and then drop back in because again YOU decide you need the company now, and be annoyed. They have feelings, and LC/NC/time outs etc have consequences!

6
[deleted]•

[removed]

-2
CircuitousWallOP•

Hahahahaha I remember that! Commenters were asking isn’t your husband up earlier than 15 minutes before he actually has to be at work? Does he work across the street?

You know, I probably should delete what I said about toddlers, as it’s very smug and I actually don’t know. Thanks for catching that 🙏

5
buggle_bunny•

Oh no it wasn't about you, that was just me saying I won't comment on them ha. I didn't think you were smug or anything! Babies are weird and foreign and I feel like I'll break them if I touch them. All I know about is parrots and I keep mine covered for an hour in the morning so I can have peace and quiet for an hour ha. I don't think you can just drape a blanket on a baby and it goes quiet until you remove it ha.

Exactly! Even working across the street, and being a super fast shower-er, it can take a few minutes to get ready, eat, walk across the road, like, that's super good for 15 minutes! lol And probably lucky she messaged to 'wake you guys up' then lol

5
bethsophia•

I waited until 6am to call, which sounds ridiculously early but my dad gets up at 5am every morning and usually calls me at that time because I am also up

and

he said "Nobody should be calling me that early"

That makes me wonder if he was quoting something she said to him about how early he was calling her. Or if OP dodging his calls made him jump to conclusions! I'll never rule out people getting pissy and coming up with their own narrative. (You know, like half the OPs we talk about here.)

I fully understand avoiding contact with difficult relatives when you don't have the energy for it. Spoons or whatever. But if you have difficult people in your life, you should expect them to be difficult.

That said, does her dad have a land line and old timey phone? Why pick up just to hang up? I can understand being hormonally pissed about someone doing that.

(My parents have an honest to fuck answering machine to screen their calls so they don't have to get up to see what number is calling them, but the phone displays the incoming number because it's not that analog. OP's dad could have just called back when it wasn't so early if he didn't want to talk to her right then.)

Edit for formatting

15
crazyspottedcatlady•

If someone called me at 5am they'd receive an ear-blasting about Acceptable Times To Call People and the dialtone as I hung up on them.

Seriously, unless someone's being rushed to hospital or dead, don't ring people at ass o'clock!!!

11
CircuitousWallOP•

"Ass o'clock!!" AHAHAHA I fucking love this. Also heard "Waking up at the CRACK of CHRIST" recently which I've made apart of my vocabulary

2
crazyspottedcatlady•

I'm also partial to "bumfuck AM"

3
NotTheGlamma•

Ass crack of dawn is also a good one.

2
Disastrous_Author638•

So she calls her dad all the time at 6 am yet is ignoring them bc they bother her ? Which is it ? He obviously had a phone malfunction. And sorry it wasn’t all about her bc he told her someone else’s news bc she has been ignoring them.

10
whateverthatis•

Even if someone is normally up at that time, why wouldn't you send a quick text confirming they're up and available? My dad is normally awake hella early but I would never call early because, even if he's awake, he lives with my mother who definitely is not. OP can't expect there to be no fallout from her dodging his calls and cutting them short. They aren't putting their lives on hold just in case OP decides to grace them with a phone call.

9
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
YFMAS•

Actions have consequences. These Justnos can't seem to wrap their heads around the fact that no one is going to sit next to the phone waiting for them to randomly decide to end NC and phone them.

You better fucking believe that if I cut someone off it's for keeps and I don't care to know when they die. I don't believe in burnt bridges, I believe in nuked bridges.

So if someone decides to cut me off they should not be surprised to find the bridge is gone, should they deign to return, it's a smoking crater and the pit is fixed with angry hippocampus.

8