Not the OP but this is something I've been wrestling with as I've been writing my own novel, so here are my thoughts: 

The most important thing for world-building, IMO is not that there be a uniform linguistic origin for every name, but that there be internal consistency between language families/cultures/etc and that names be designed to convey something more than just "fantasy." Although in the 21st century US (my cultural context, maybe not yours!) there's an increasing variety of things that are "available" as names for people from any number of different backgrounds, names have historically been--and still are, to an extent--an important way of flagging cultural, ethnic, or religious identity (or even personality!). Take, for example, a name like Margaret. There are versions of that name in a lot of different European languages. In fiction, different iterations of that name will connote different cultural information or background to a reader: contrast Dumas's Marguerite Gauthier

Why do you think there should be a uniform linguistic origin for every name in the book? Surely there must be some demographic diversity in this fictional novel, so it's only natural for names to come from different backgrounds

(Part 1)

First Impressions: The fight scene in the beginning was painfully difficult for me to get through. The first three paragraphs are 332 words, which constitutes almost a fourth of your opening chapter. And I have all of these strange (albeit interesting) names being thrown at me. “Ei’saer” and “Patterns” but then pretty standard European medieval-esque warfare follows. Why should we care about absolutely any of this? I understand that you want to portray a hectic scene right in the beginning, but this is not a tv show or movie that has all the special FX and CGI effects in the world to make the scene “cool.” You are setting a pace that is unrealistic and worse, it doesn’t draw readers into this obviously unique world. I don’t understand the ‘pattern’ bit at all.

2nd Read Through Impressions: The first sentence is describing quite a lot but it just doesn’t draw me in at all. It’s uninspiring, blunt and far too mechanical to gage any nuances. Oftentimes, when I read a story that

Hi. I'm going to share some thoughts I have while reading, share some observations I had throughout, then give my overall opinion of the piece.

**Thoughts as I Read**

>The focus of this prologue is introducing Waiym (a PoV character much later in the book), demonstrating the war-stricken world/a combat scene, and introducing the other-worldliness and somewhat terrifying presence of a Divine.

I'm not saying this can't be done, but bear in mind that a lot of readers will view the prologue as an excuse for info-dumping.

>Divinity is oft-said to lack the limitations of Humanity. Monstrosity lacks the limitations of Divinity, and is perhaps the purest form of life. I have stared into the depths of it, and from within that void it has seen me.

I see we're going full Nietzsche, as if the prologue's title weren't edgy enough already. I don't mind a bit of edge, but the quote's a little too derivative to be effective. This is high fantasy—give me an original quote, not a plagiarized one. A

(Part 2)

The Not So Good: As I said before, starting your book out with a combat scene is incredibly tricky. You are, all at once, using those precious first words to impart upon us the nature of your world, your protagonist and his enemies. I repeat. All at once. This is overwhelming and jarring for the reader. It was so for me. Not to mention that it is incredibly cliche to start your work like this. Not that I have a problem with cliches, but your combat scene was painful to get through and made me want to stop reading.

You can say so much more about your world by saying so much less. I would shorten your sentences when describing action. And oh no, at this point I have completely forgotten about your Prologue. To have or to not have prologues is a very contentious topic in writing fiction nowadays and I don’t necessarily have a problem with prologues but I absolutely detest them when they are vague and broad such as yours is. It is one of those types of prologues which make sense

General remarks

  
I definitely think you have a chance to make an interesting story. You have almost all the pieces ready, just have to fix some things here and there. More on this in the later sections. While you do say that characterization comes in the later chapters, you don’t want to hold out on that for the reader. The reader doesn’t care that it comes later. The reader wants it now. If this is something you want to publish, then consider the mantra of sales: it’s all about the consumer. If the prologue is supposed to introduce something, it is supposed to introduce a feeling, along with a few hints of the overarching plot. Consider the ASOIAF prologue (especially pertaining characterization—look later sections in this critique).

  
To answer your question about description, yes, you are descriptive enough. Sometimes a bit too much. You’ll see this in the prose section. I do not have that many complaints about your descriptions, however, which is a rare thing. 

  
Prose, g

Overall Impressions:

The writing craft / quality is good, of a level I’d expect in published work.

As for the idea of having a Prologue.  I can see you’re using the Prologue here to show us how Waiym became not-Waiym, but why should we need to know this from the beginning?  The originality of your story world comes from this idea of the Divines and whatever not-Waiym has become.  Playing to the strengths of this originality, it may make a stronger opening to start with seeing not-Waiym be a total bad*** (ie start with Chapter 1, rather than a Prologue). 


Plot:

The Prologue opens with a fight scene with the MC.  It’s well-written, and while extended fight scenes normally turn me off, it did show off your writing skill and ability to paint these kinds of scenes.  However, we don’t know Waiym yet – either as a person or whether we should be on his side, given we have no knowledge of this world.  And so the threat of peril doesn’t hold much tension.  We haven’t been drawn to Waiym as 

I appreciate it but I think I the stuff I've gotten is good and I'm planning on doing a whole rewrite of it at this point so I don't want to waste your time.

You still looking for critique or do you think you got enough to revise this draft?

[[1191] Divines, Rising.](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CCaLH8-3_iz1w1iMTlVMTfNHzq7jJNY702rLqU75iGw/edit?usp=sharing)

Aloha. Don't hold anything back. 

It's been years since I've received feedback on my writing, and have recently began to plow away at the book I've had stuck in my head this whole time.

Ultimately, I'm mostly concerned that it's interesting, and that I'm descriptive enough. The focus of this prologue is introducing Waiym (a PoV character much later in the book), demonstrating the war-stricken world/a combat scene, and introducing the other-worldliness and somewhat terrifying presence of a Divine. The first chapter is more tense, dialogue heavy, and focused on character building/politics, hence the prologue.

Thanks to anyone who reads it!

Critiques:

[3099](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/nvjj6c/3099_a_cruel_escape/h14erlh/?context=3)
[591](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/nn7o7x/591_the_beast_called_magic_opening/gzthdoj/?context=3)