[2213] City of Silt - Chapter 1a

Howdy RDR,

I'd like to submit the first part of my ongoing project. City of Silt - Chapter 1a, A weird fiction detective noir.

Sizzle:

Detective Inspector Robert Townsend is looking forward to early retirement. But that's spoiled when he's handed one headache of a case - a murder that shouldn't be possible. As he unravels this impossible murder, he discovers it's connected to a decade-old hit-and-run, one that he investigated.

And he asks himself - 'Did I let someone get away with murder?'
Townsend tries to understand where he went wrong, and to put it right in the time he has left. But not everyone in the city wants to remember, and not everyone wants him to succeed. There are powerful people in Jabransk who'd prefer their past to stay buried - and some who'll kill to keep it that way.

Specific Feedback I'd Like

I'll take anything, but I have questions in my own mind about how effectively I've done what I think this opening needs to do.

- How's the opening? I think it's okay, but it's not 100% there. The opening line works for me, but does it work for you or is it just obnoxious?

- Do you get a decent feel for the economy and environment of the city?

- This is my first time trying first person perspective in earnest. How am I doing? Is this a protagonist you'd be willing to hear a lot from?

- Do you have enough of an idea what a 'ragman' is to be able to understand what is even happening?

- It's a detective story with fantasy elements, but I am determined to make sure it makes sense. One of the joys for me is the reader anticipating what comes next. Do you get why the clues Townsend is picking up on might be relevant? Can you start to guess at what they might mean?

Thankyou in advance. I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

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Critiques

[791], [2655], [2480], [723]