How little of you I had
no ceremonial return of sweatshirts
or packing up of a rented drawer
just a dry toothbrush
in its sad little case
waiting for you to need it.
Posted Jul 7, 2021, 6:32 PM UTC
25328
I like this metaphor a lot! I'm reading this as someone searching for their ex's items after a breakup- hopefully that's the intended interpretation- and realizing that their lives weren't intimately connected after all. It works in both a physical and emotional way!
The poem is short and sweet, with each word very deliberately chosen. I think your adjectives are powerful, too. "Ceremonial" nicely sums up the process and saves you a line or two, "dry" is simple but effectively conveys the idea of something not having been used for a long time, and then "sad little" is maybe less elegant, but honestly, relatable. Maybe you want to use "tiny", though- gets the same point across and avoids the double use in the title.
Geh, it's so efficient. I don't know how much you were thinking about this as you wrote it, because I've definitely done smart things by accident, but this is just deliciously clever.
6
I really appreciate this. Efficient is more of a compliment than you know!
2
Simple but clear. Still managed to evoke the feelings associated with a relationship that ended before it could mature. The title functions as a prelude; "little" indicating both the length of the piece and the duration of this relationship. That's my interpretation of it. Please correct me if I am wrong.
4
I see how you’d get this, sadly it was about a 2 year relationship. Wonder if I can work in some time somehow..thank you
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Oh god, I got broken up with last night. May we both heal.
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I was just scrolling through my home page and felt like I needed to click on this post for some reason… and I’m so glad I did. This hits a hard. The flow, the imagery, the last line — just perfect. It’s modern and relatable, but unique all the same. Excellent.
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Ah <3
2
Micropoetry is so hard to get right and this seriously did it for me. Every line is a punch to the gut and that last one just knocked me out. Great work.
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This piece, even in it's short length, packs such and emotional gut-punch it caught me off guard. I love the use of mundane objects; toothbrushes, sweatshirts. It's almost a glance away from the 'break-up stage', that when you finally get in the scene you've watched so many times there isn't anything poetic about it. It's just loss. It's just an interaction that etches itself in your mind. The line 'waiting for you to need it' is what stuck out to me the most, and I think conveys the most feeling from yourself, almost. That there is something you have that is still connected to the person you lost, hoping that they would come back for at least something. I really enjoyed this, thanks for sharing.
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I like that it’s short and simple but I relate and would read a longer one too. Good job capturing the whole thing with a few lines
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The word dry stands out and was a great decision to include. The little, almost superfluous detail indicates to us that the toothbrush hasn't been used recently. It's also a meaningfully sad thing for the protagonist to observe.
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I really, maybe not connect, but at least manage to feel what you are trying to evoke, a dread of a relationship that has ended, when in reality... maybe it ended long ago.
It's also pretty impressing how you managed to express so much with so little, great job!
1
This one is short, but it hit me really hard.
Thanks for sharing!
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Bittersweet. I like it.
1
I'm so in awe of how much you were able to say with so few words. The word choice- "dry", "sad", "little", "waiting", and that dramatic shift I as a reader experienced at the end realizing that these words are far more relevant to the state of the writers' heart than the toothbrush. The brevity of this piece just underscores the desolation the writer must be feeling, they're so small and empty and their message is small, too. Great work.
Beautiful
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Love this! I can just see the dry toothbrush and the meaning for why it is that way... Great detail and made me feel a lot of thjngs
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Meh, so sad… :( reminds me of my exes toothbrush I got him that he never even used…
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I love this
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Such a short poem but it hits hard! Like damn the imagery of the toothbrush is vivid in my mind and I can tell you that I Feel the pain from reading the poem.
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It's so simple, and yet it causes the reader to feel it so completely! Thank you for sharing.
1
Oh, I just tripped and fell into this one. I really like it. I love the brevity and the specific images you chose.
Really, really good title, too. This poem is a snapshot of a situation and it's amazing how many details it has while still only sharing a few. "dry toothbrush" "sad little case" are especially bits I like. I had to read the last line a few times before I felt the proper impact, which is good. I'm not always inclined to read a poem more than once, and if I am, it usually means I want to sit in it for a while. That's great.
Thank you very much!