I wonder where this elevator will take me today
Because there are no regular number on display
Only strange runes that say
Infinite floors where I can stay
The symbols on the buttons here
To a strange world will bring you near
Yes this building is Him
Just a candle in this elevator making it dim
Posted Jul 10, 2021, 5:57 PM UTC · edited
I enjoyed reading this OP. Your poem gave me a sense of being on the journey or elevator with you. It certainly resonated for me, yet I tend to agree with another commenter that a few more lines could provide really great closure or more insight into the journey that the subject is taking on the elevator.
The journey of self in yourself as one with your world and space in it …. That’s a big subject to tackle, and I’d find it intimidating tbh. You though have readers all loaded in the cab for a ride up before realizing what a monument is and final ride it is.
Isn’t life like that.
The last moment is rarely experienced as the moment before nothing ever again or the infinite as you have so beautifully captured in words.
Yup and I too give a vote on a few more of the poignant words.. let the readers see a little of the view from the elevator within the narrator.
I relate to this poem because I like to compare my life to a roller-coaster. Ups and downs but usually moving forward. I think I prefer the elevator comparison because there are times in your life where you're extremely high or low and not necessarily moving forwards or backwards.
I really like the last line. For me the symbolism of hope, 'just a candle' and hopelessness is very powerful.
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I always have a hard time differentiating between purposeful alliteration and a sound that happens to be common in English, but there is definitely a repetition of nasal consonants here that gives the a unique sonority that I really like.
I liked the flow but also somehow felt it stopped short of a satisfying ending, one or two more lines would have given it good closure in my opinion.