Haha I feel the same way! But yeah, everyone here is so smart and good at writing it makes me hella intimidated. Thanks for pushing through that good good ✨ a n x i e t y ✨ it’s always worth it

Hey, thanks for responding. I’ll admit I get anxious every time I post here, which is probably why I don’t do it too often. But damnit the advice I get is always sound. I’ll definitely reference your comments when I work on this. Thank you again.

**Plot**  
okay, so this is your chapter 1. You open it with this really emotionally charged scene of Ylva and her captors. And she's bleeding and she's like covered in worms. And she's breaking her wrists. So here's the issue with opening with a scene like that.   
I don't care.   
I don't care about Ylva because I know nothing about her. I don't care that she's a captive because I'm not sure if she is a bad guy. And I especially don't care about your bad guys who don't do anything but taunt and laugh at this girl. We have no status quo. We don't see what Ylva's life is like on the regular. You open with this big dramatic scene, I assume because you think it'll intrigue your readers.   
It doesn't because we don't care that it is happening. It is much more effective to save a scene like this for later when we are more invested in Ylva so that we can actually feel her pain.   
But anyway, the plot as I understand is is that Ylva is a Berserker who has been captured by some people who a

**First Impressions** 

So this won't be a raving review. A lot of things were happening and I wasn't sure why. I'll go into more detail, but really, this has got a little bit of Status Quo Syndrome. You start off like in the middle of some big action scene, but...like...I don't know anything about Ylva, so really don't care about what's happening to her. On top of all the very confusing metaphors we have going on, it didn't really make for an enjoyable read. The worldbuilding left me more confused than intrigued. 

**Prose**

The prose is a little bit of a mess. The beginning is straight up purple and most of the metaphors don't hit right, mostly because they don't make sense. Like, the essence of a good metaphor isn't just combining a bunch of random images together. You're drawing on one image that the reader is familiar with to create a new image. But the key here is that this image needs to actually make sense. Many of your metaphors, unfortunately don't. And I know, I know, you w

PART THREE:

Saying her veins lit on fire I would say is too sudden, it’s such an abrupt change and there is no transition, it’s like one scene cuts off and another starts abruptly. A repeating theme I’ve noticed is that this story is quite jarring and confusing and doesn’t explain enough, but I do definitely think it has a LOT of potential (like I say I like how it’s written like poetry, and I want to like the girl and feel for her, but I’m just  struggling to do so). I really really love how you describe she is about to broken from within but what’s with the hammers? It’s so random, I’m assuming this is more of that poetic writing but this should be clarified. Not much in this story is, that’s your biggest problem but, if you’re like me, hopefully it’s easier to add words than take away. This story could be so good if more was explained. 

I like how you describe a scream escaping from her, but again the red haze is confusing. I’m guessing it’s out of anger/seeing red but with fantas

PART TWO:

The rest of first paragraph does make me feel for her, I like the use of the words ‘wrenched’ and ‘emaciated’, it really shows a sense of struggle and powerlessness. The last sentence in particular really shows how lonely and pained she is. That is really well written IMO. 

Okay so after this I’m going to be picking out random parts of the story otherwise this critique would be exhausting but I’ll critique the entirety of the next paragraph. 

The voices part just confuses me. They aren’t explain and come out of the blue. Is she schizophrenic? Some kind of magic? Is this part of her torture? I need it explained, here is a place to world build as the plot demands it. But as someone who does hear voices I probably find this hits home more than most (and if you ever want help writing that elect just dm me, I’m more than happy to help out). 

I also see you are trying to describe how she gnashes and growls, and maybe the point is to make her sound feral and perhaps create a mys

PART ONE: 


So I really enjoyed this story, I love dark fantasy and whilst it seems most didn’t like the vagueness I really like having the space to imagine, so I really enjoyed that but I know I’m in the minority there. It’s a good mixture of darkness and fantasy, almost reminds of my own story (although the fantasy takes a back seat to the darkness, so the opposite of yours)

I also really love how this story reads like poetry, but be warned that might drive away some readers. 

Anyways, onto the (not a mental) breakdown. 

I LOVE the opening sentence. I think it really captures the essence of dark fantasy, it sets a dark mood by describing the moon as lightless and a chained little girl. However what I will say is that you should only reveal the world as it becomes relevant to the story, which I know is a big problem when it comes to dark fantasy as I know I’m partial to world building needlessly in my own dark fantasy books. What I’m saying might be best describe with what I would

Hello there,

First chapter of a project I've been working on for a while. Posted its earlier iterations a couple times over the past year or so.

Not looking for specific feedback, just do what y'all do best. I hope y'all enjoy it.

[The Berserker](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NPKX9YZq6HTSnUCXNtK7PUY-js1OKxbZdTYQcBxRQlM/edit)

[Critique](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/omk75h/2215_memories_lost_prologue_v2_fantasy/h5yshbu?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[2199] The Berserker