You're the best daddy!

Don't pass your hell to her .. overcome, and take every moment as gift of forgiveness. Peace. I understand every aspect.

This was a knife right on my heart, you really managed to convey all the emotions it was owed, gut wrenching and the rhymes were lovely.

This is legit. I don't have kids, but a peer friend of mine ended up with a couple, and he had suicidal points in the past. Makes me think of him.

Mental health is a very real and difficult issue. Glad you posted this

As a mom struggling tremendously with mental health and suicidal ideation, this poem is just…everything.

Those little eyes looking at you like you’re the most wonderful thing while your brain is screaming that you’re worthless. Finding the will to soldier on for my 2 year old son.

Thank you for sharing. It makes it feel less lonely.

This punched me in the face.... Outstanding.

This is unique. I would omit “own”. My wrist is sufficient.

It took me a bit to understand fire meant a gun and not a blaze, take that for what it’s worth.

I might rethink the title. Nothing wrong with it but maybe something to reflect the battle/struggle/change of view

Love it. Usually shit here doesn’t make me want to cry.

Nice job.

Ow. Hope you're okay OP.

Stylistically I think this poem is written in a very suitable meter to the subject matter. It's somewhat droning and has a bitter tone to it, mirroring the narrator's reaction to this yearning for something they cannot (and should not) do — ending their own life.

I appreciate the repetition of "but I never did." following every first line (describing a different method of suicide). It further emphasises the reproach and difficulty the narrator has had with this issue throughout the course of their lives. New responsibilities and people and love and children that they now love have entered their life over time, and have anchored them to this world regardless of their own will to be here.

It is interesting that this idea is never really explicitly stated in the poem, but is abundantly clear to the reader after reading it. I felt a shot of guilt and pain by second-last line. What first came to mind is that the daughter has no idea that the narrator is having these thoughts, which makes "You're the best daddy!", so gut-wrenching, since, arguably, the father/narrator doesn't feel that positive about themselves.

This was fantastically written, but also very disturbing. This doesn't make it a bad poem — I loved it. Just hope you're alright.

First stanza:

Why "own" wrist? It almost sounds like the speaker would be cool with slitting someone else's wrist, maybe. Not quite that far, but "own" is redundant with "my" there. I know you need something for the meter, though. You could go for a line that refers to the same suicide method in a different way. For example: I'd razor my wrists. Also in this stanza, I'm confused by the second two lines. The others all refers to the speaker's child, but this one actually sounds like the speaker did attempt suicide. "The tap didn't run / the blade simply hid" is clear imagery, to me, of cutting one's wrist but not bleeding out. Finally, I don't know how much you care about grammar for your poem, but a semi-colon would go between the last two lines in normal writing, not a comma, since they're two independent clauses.

Second stanza:

This one's awkwardly phrased. "fire in my mouth" is a less cliched than "blow off my head," but it sounds a little odd. "I'd shoot in my mouth" sounds gross and suggestive of something else. "I'd blow off my head" might honestly be a little more... recognizable? The final two lines are where it gets really awkward. "Her smile, like the moon," looks like it would lead to another thought, like: She smiles like the moon / my giggling kid. This could be quickly remedied just by saying "Her smile's like the moon" instead of "Her smile, like the moon." I know you've got something better in you than "the slide down she slid." The word order in that line takes away from the flow of the poem because it's tremendously clunky. Unless there's a way to get a verb in front of "slide" while still keeping a rhyme with "did," I'd recommend a rewrite, especially since in all your other stanzas, the last two lines are a complete thought together. So again, something like, She smiles like the moon, my giggling kid, would have my giggling kid refer back to the She in the line before it. Just like The tap didn't run, the blade simply hid."

Third stanza:

"My kiddo's giggling" doesn't match the meter of the rest of your poem. The reader would have to pronounce "giggling" as gig-ling, which some people do, but it's normally gig-gle-ing, which throws off your five-syllable line. My kiddo giggles would fix that. You run into the same problem with the word "wrestling." Wrest-l-ing is the technically pronuncation, but it requires two syllables for the meter. If you were to switch to My kiddo giggles, you could throw in something like and plays in her crib to keep your five-syllable count.

Fourth stanza:

I know that the bib is supposed to be the punch of the poem because it matches the title, but have you considered mixing things up in the final stanza for that punch? For example, all of your stanzas use the past tense in the second line. What if for the last one, you reach into the future and say but I never will instead of "did"? Then you could add any other attribute, bib or otherwise (the love in her eyes?), that has five syllables, and end with a slam like keeps me here still. Changing the syllable count on the last line would jerk the poem to a finish, and it's a shocking poem altogether that expresses a theme of redemption. Hammer it in!

Good stuff, and quite a jolting yet touching message.

I like how the poem has two contrasting voices that battle throughout and create a conflicted and troubled voice

I've been here. Every time she tells me she misses me adds to the clock.

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This is so raw. A powerful read indeed.

the way you never quite knew what rhyme was around the next corner (especially the penultimate and final lines) was captivating.

also, it's not just your kid that's carrying you through. you're not just staying alive for her.

it's that her love, her joy in herself, is resonating within *you* that love and joy that is still there.

a faint, almost imperceptible glow. but it's there, and it's yours, if you'd allow yourself to have it.

Amazing, just amazing

Having grown up with a suicidal mother, this hurts to read. I hear hope in it though, like you’re not feeling it anymore. Hope that’s true. Take care. Seeing a parent suicidal is truly traumatizing. <3 I’m 30 and still struggle with it.

See Amiri Baraka's "Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note."

I relate to this poem on a serious level. I am a mother and struggling through depression while being a mom is literal fucking hell. I am proud of you for what you do. I am glad you are here. So much emotion comes from this poem. You are gifted, and you are the best daddy.

This is so beautifully written yet so grim. I love it. Really shows how having a child can turn a person’s whole world around. Perhaps even by giving a parent purpose in life. Your words dig deep, and I am sure you are a wonderful father. Stay strong my friend