Am I a Moth?

Drawn to the pain like a moth is drawn to the flames.

So, I love that the title is merely alluded to in the body of the poem. I think that fire is the perfect analogy for being drawn into an unrequited love time after time.

By the end of the poem, I dislike the object of the author’s yearning so much that I wish the author would not say “Some day I will show you…” I mean I find myself cheering for the author here like the protagonist of a movie, so I hope the author just lets that useless womanizing, boozing, drug using, fool go.

But, alas, the author seems to be a moth.

I agree that the mere allusion to the actual moth is very effective !

Ouch, shit--
This poem really hit!

I love the poem! The words you use make it all feel so raw, like the pain is still an open wound. It feels like a stream of consciousness and as if you're trying to just yell at the person, telling them how much it really hurts. And it all feels worse because you saw it coming, you knew it would happen but you couldn't help it and wanted to try anyway. At least that was the case for me, lol.

I especially like that it's not a clear structure, as in there's no uniform rhyme scheme or even uniformity in how the lines are broken up. It makes the poem more genuine and makes the reader feel the tone or feeling you're trying to convey a lot better.

I really like the concept and obvious straight forward metaphor. It's quite beautiful, even in its unrefined form. I enjoy the vulgarity I'm its contrast to the beauty of raw feeling and intellect a few edits could define. It lacks the grace and flow it is worthy of though. Probably a rough draft written while feeling and imagining you drawn in by what you now know will hurt. I'd love to see you work on this a bit with a couple rewrites, with more hind sight and wit. Great work. Thank you for sharing.

this is truly amazing

i love how you used the allegory of a moth drawn to a flame to mean you not being able to stay away from someone you know is toxic. my favorite section is the "some day i will show you, maybe when the scar heals, but for now I will hold in every single thing I feel". that part really speaks to me because I've felt this way before, wanting to show someone who's hurt me that I'm doing better, but part of actually doing better is realizing you don't need their validation.

your use of imagery is great and I love how you are using all the senses to describe the scene, with the "I saw the flame, I smelled the smoke".

good day/night

I love this. I love the raw, cussed-filled honesty of this, it's got that visceral and real voice. It starts with the oldy-but-goody metaphor of the "moth to flame" ... but those last lines incline me to believe that the speaker really is a moth... in the sense that they want to hold onto the experience of the "flame" even despite its burn. As the old song goes, "sometimes... love hurts so good." It's a very human thing to cling to hurt... a kind of "hello darkness my old friend."

I think poems can deliver a plethora of messages. This one in particular has an impact. I felt the weight of the words, and I can read between the lines. It's a poem about your behavior, which is comparable to that of a moth and its relentless attraction to luminosity. If there's something the world has taught me, the bright things can be dark, too. Please tread lightly (no pun intended). If you need to hear this, know your self-worth and don't burn yourself to death. Scars are reminders of lessons learned, not for yourself to endlessly hurt. If you didn't need to hear this, then I'm just a garbage guy passing through looking to throw out any trash if you have any.

Oh, hi there; didn't see you! You've reached r/OCPoetry. This is a workshop site where you can share, read, and talk about eachother's poetry & etc. To post your own poems, you need to give feedback to 2 other writers. If you aren't trying to share, you're encouraged to give feedback, but aren't required. Try to be nice, questioning, and specific. If you can't do that - eat a cabbage and come back later. Try to give feedback to a writer without any feedback. Lastly, read our feedback guide , other writer's comments, or this author’s feedback links. If you still aren't sure whether your comments are useful ‘feedback’, or you have any other questions, send us a modmail!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.