I love this!! You hit all the points for me. Pain. Lyrically beautiful. I don’t even know what to critique you on because 10/10 for me.

Hi,

I hope you are doing well. Just wanted to say; This poem was brilliant! It perfectly suited the melancholy, rainy night here where I live. The rhyme scheme was perfect as well as the flow. Thank you for this piece. Have a good night/day where ever you live.

oh wow. This paints a beautiful yet terrible picture of toxicity. 10/10

I had a very similar relationship to this. Super interesting to see how experiences can be so universal. Very well written and protrays the emotion well :).

Damn, *I'm a fan of this.* Curious how you intend for demise and surprise to be pronounced. Also, one small gripe. I think the last line needs some work. It follows the 6 - 5 syllable pattern you've developed, but the word "since" made me come to a full stop. Moreover, it feels a bit of a reach. This doesn't seem like "love" and those words are extremely overused and not all that poetic. I think this magnificent poem deserves a more memorable and meaningful concluding line.

first of all, this is such a brilliant piece! from the consistency of your rhymes to its entire story, you had me hooked! it was like you took us to a montage of a one-sided love story. keep writing, my friend!!


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I can feel the level of pain behind this.

I love this! I love how it rhymes, the layout and how it is written. Really conveys the pain and is relatable. I hope you are okay b.

Lyrically, I love the way that this poem flows. It seems to move quickly at the beginning, and slowly creep into pain, as situationships like the one described often do. The rhyme scheme is wonderful and adds to the flow of the piece. You did such a great job of capturing the confusion and pain that comes with such a situation.

the whole rhythm of this poem flows really beautifully and paints a picture of the sad reality of being in toxic relationships. im not one for relating to "love poems" but this is a really stricking one.

Beautiful and poignant at the same time. The flow and rhyme of the poem is perfect. I think it is the poem to which many people could resonate with. It put forth the right feelings and emotions filled with gloom of not getting the love we want. Loved it keep writing.!

phew, that was.. a lot! i definitely feel this, ive been in this situation before, and it sucks. but i love the way you portray it. especially the last line, because even though you know its toxic, its like... addicting. they are always the most intense type of relationships, but the most harmful.

Our friendship was toxic,  
I knew from the start—  
I threw out all logic,  
And spoke from the heart.

It would be our demise—  
Neither of us knew;  
Because what a surprise,  
You felt for me too.

It soon started hurting,  
But outside I'd smile.  
At least we were flirting,  
And talking awhile.

But I knew deep inside  
That we could not be—  
And as much as I tried,  
It was never me.

As fast as it started,  
As quick as a flame—  
I was broken-hearted;   
And never the same.

But I 'd do it again—  
All the pain and woe.  
Till I reach my life's end,  
Since I love you so.

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[\[1\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/oswiag/am_i_a_moth/h6sfjoj/?context=3)[\[2\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ot1a8m/the_circle_of_life/h6se787/?context=3)