[2435] Partial - Chapter 1 - Silence in the Sands (Ver. 2)

Edit: Thank you all for the feedback!

Helllllooooooo again!

This is the incomplete first chapter of a YA Science Fantasy that I've been working on. There's like 700ish more words to it but I'm tryna avoid a leech tag on a higher word count for now.

It's odd but I feel the more I keep working on this piece, the worse it's starting to get... like I tried to balance action, exposition, and character thoughts but it's become somewhat of a mess. Anyways, I'd appreciate any and all feedback! Harsh critiques (constructive ofc ;)) are welcome!

I'm still trying to get a grasp for fiction writing in general so I don't have any specific questions, except I'd love to know if the MC sounds YAish enough and whether you'd want to read on (already mentally preparing myself hahahaha).

Last time, I got a lil too excited and started editing too quickly so this time I'm going to hold off on making any changes until a few days go by.

Again, thank you guys so much! I look forward to hearing your thoughts. :)

Read-only:

Comments:

Critique (5052, comprised of 3 comments due to Reddit's character cap): https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/p23shl/5052_scifi_plot/h8lq64l/?context=3

​