The story itself seems YA-oriented. I have little experience with that genre so take my notes with a pinch of salt. Your story does seem well-written and does the job you set out to do well, but I fear the story is a bit too passive for my taste; we read about a girl who is upset about not having magic and thinks about her nightmares. It is an internal first chapter without any outward momentum, which stifles it when what you really want in a first chapter is to give the reader everything you got—give them a solid punch that forces them to the next chapter. 

Your prose is decent all across. The opening line is strange though, and it lacks that force which I so desire from an opening line. I suppose you wanted to achieve an effect by juxtaposing smiling and crying at the same time (which is furthered later), but I didn’t feel that effect. Also, while just a nitpick, you use two “ing” verbs that make the first sentence drag out. Consider a way you can do it snappier, sharper. The chase

Title:
-I think it’s too long and clunky, personally. Feels more like the first sentence of a book instead of a title.

Plot/Hook:
-You should to put *why* she is crying in the first paragraph (beyond vagueness like ‘it was just like last year’). Pretty much everything in the first paragraph past the first sentence could be delayed to expedite the mentioning of blooming blood and magic, which is a far more interesting ‘hook’ than a sad teenager.

-”When that same recurring voice infected her dreams once more…” So did she have nightmares as kid that went away for awhile and then came back? The ‘once more’ seems to indicate this, but them being ‘recurring’ contradicts, so I’m confused.

-I feel like you spent too much page real estate on the nightmare flashbacks, or at least didn’t direct it well. If you want to devote resources there I’d rather hear about what the voice told her to do Instead of talking about tiptoeing and drinking water.

-”even waiting well into her classes before jum

**Plot**

From what I understand, the goal of this excerpt was to explore Sasha as a character and the plot structure was: internal monologue on Sasha's past (experiences, thoughts, relationships), Sasha's nightmare, continuing her routine actions after the nightmare. 

While I think that this piece is fine to try and understand Sasha and get her voice down, I don't think the plot is strong enough to act the beginning of Chapter 1 or a bigger story. This is mainly because nothing really happens and Sasha is too passive in not acting or reacting to events in the story. Much of this excerpt is spent with the MC describing things and so the plot itself doesn't feel particularly strong. 

I would highly suggest trying to see how this piece fits in to the greater story and then re-structuring it to be more engaging. As it stands, this is more of a 'giving the audience background before getting into the book' rather than an integral part of the story itself. 

**Pacing**

For the most part, 

**General**

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your prose - it was simple, easy-to-follow, and efficient (I could def take a few lessons hahaha). You also had some great lines which I noted in the Google Doc as Practice Writer. As a character exploration, this excerpt is fantastic at exploring your MC's mindset, however, I don't think that it would be an effective beginning for Chapter 1. I'll go into detail a little later but, in summary:

* little development in plot
* no interactions between MC and other characters
* lack of setting descriptions
* too much exposition in the first 1000 words

As the beginnings of Chapter 1, this would not hook me into continuing on.

**Mechanics**

As mentioned previously, I have very few complaints about your actual writing. It was simple and easy-to-read, scarcely used unnecessary modifiers, sentence structure was varied, and for the most part, the word choices worked. I'm not the biggest fan of the title but I also assume that this is more like a worki

* Grammar, Syntax, and Spelling  
I think you should work on improving the overall prosody of this chapter. At times it's not a joy to read. In the first paragraph it ought to be "same crying," for example.   

* Character Development   
We understand right away that the character wants to unfurl magical abilities. Based on the writing, we also understand that this character is on the neurotic side: they cry in the face of adversity. Furthermore, they also have a vindictive side. I sense a dark side to Sasha, a dark side that I hope you won't overlook when you continue the character's travails.  

* Plot/Story   
As this is a narrative after all, we have to see how you are treating the mechanics of the plot and the themes of the story. The plot seems uncertain. The ending is clever, but it doesn't set up a clear path forward for this character. Again, since this character has a dark side and their dream is about blood magic, you may want to explore this path forward. Theme-wise, you ca

[Bloodless](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1E74E8E75sGyV_WDhMN62EGp7TFwnjh01TQ1Q72l_ruM/edit?usp=sharing)

Once more, an exploration of character. Perhaps the beginning of a Chapter 1. Who knows? This is an exercise for building out an interesting intro from a character perspective. Let me know what you think.

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[913] Bloodless