Live Fast, Die Young. Bad Bees Do It Well.

YOBO. You only buzz once.

Dream! You know I’m a sucker for animal poems, I love this! Let’s break it down stanza by stanza—

In the first stanza, you not only establish a rhythm held throughout the poem, you also set the scene and tone, getting straight to the action in only four lines. “Concreted gardens” probably be the standout idea of this stanza, the oxymoronic nature of this phrase plays well with ideas built upon further in the poem. Really good job :).

Stanza two, like I mentioned before, maintains the same rhythm smoothly, and also contains probably my second favorite line of the poem: “but honey tastes sweeter/ when licked from a knife”, absolutely love this. Really takes the point of the poem, and jabs you with it, pun completely intended lol.

Stanza three contains the first mention of an entity beyond the speaker, specifically the other members of the hive (good on you knowing worker bees are all female ;) ) and it also lets the reader know that the speaker is some sort of rebel/free spirit, completely disregarding the thoughts of the “hive”, both literally and figuratively lol.

And finally, the best for last (as often it should be) your final stanza contains my favorite line in the poem, and it happens to be the last line, so great job ending with a bang!— “the smell of petroleum’s richer than grass”. I feel like this line is so nuanced: “petroleum” really carries its weight, it’s refined, combustible, effervescent, all equally fit the theme— “richer” being another word in here that bolsters the poem, I feel like you could have used many adjectives to describe the difference between petroleum and grass, but “richer” fits so well, it is a rich, and intoxicating smell.

Anyways, I absolutely loved this Dream! :)

First of all, "the smell of petroleum's / richer than grass" is absolutely fabulous. Kudos. My problem with this poem, as wonderful as it reads is I am a stickler for facts. There are no rebellious bees, no bees playing chicken with cars. So as a reader I am not convinced. The second is that bees don't lick honey, they produce it as a food source for their larvae. Facts aside, this poem lives up to the trope of "live fast, die young". What is important is to suspend disbelief. Don't let the reader refute your intent. Engage us and be relentless. You have the chops, now get to work.

I love it! Amazing work OP!

Love the perspective here! Coming from the bee is a nice contrast to what i usually see.

This is very nice. Consistent rhythm, rhymes don’t feel forced. It’s clever, funny and doesn’t take itself too seriously. Weird amount of decent bee poems on this sub

What an interesting meter. An iamb followed by an anapest with an extra beat. It's an unexpected but very creative rhythm. That said, it flows well, and when read aloud slides right off the tongue and feels almost like a rap. I enjoy how you are able to convey a much needed message on the human condition through non-human eyes. It keeps the reader captivated throughout, waiting for a simple story about a bee to turn into something deeper and meaningful.

But I shall die boldly

and splattered on glass.

The smell of petroleum’s

richer than grass.

These lines remind me of something my friend said when I asked him if he'd every stop drinking and smoking weed: "better a good time than a long time." I enjoyed this one, siam. Can't really come up with any constructive criticism. It's perfect.

Super cool! I'm always morbidly pulled in by aggressive and violent endings. Lots of confidence in the way you write.

I love the rhythm. Linc said something about the uniquess of it, but I just want to say it was playful and wonderful. As was the subject matter. A bee only living oncing herself into the danger of a "concrete garden." Beautiful, funny, thought-provoking.

I really like this poem! playful metaphors that lead to vivid imagery, and an equally playful rhyme scheme make this poem very digestible yet still very thought-provoking. Excellent work.

I love how fast this poem felt. :) Very captivating and fun to read.

The way this poem sounds and moves reminds me of a bee buzzing up and down through the garden. I feel like I am on a bee. Its so well done that I didn’t even notice the metaphor of it all until my second read.

Wonderful

Reminds me of city life, great!

Love poems about living your life freely and how you wish. Lit.

thisis fantastic, something original and down to earth... :D thanks for sharing

I loved this. You gave the bee such agency, and in doing so took us in a totally unpredicted direction. That plus the confidence of the cadence and the cleverness of the ending… it left me buzzing.

(Sorry).

🐝

I love it. Makes me wonder if this is a kind of bee I wanna bee.

I like original phrases like "concreted gardens".

Also how all the sentences rhyme but are thematically consistent, everything just works.

As for improvement, maybe the title can be shorter.

Hey man! Keep it up. The flow and rhyming were great, so was your use of words. It very aptly gave me a feel for the bold daring probably young character's point of view about life.