Source
r/LongDistance•
99abc

People in international LDRs, how do you cope in these times?

Question

Now covid is here to stay with us, I don't think travel will ever be the same again. At least in the coming years. With all the travel restrictions, for me and my boyfriend it really feels like it's us against the world. We're both fully vaccinated at this point, but I'm still not allowed into his country (because I'd have to get tourist visa, which is suspended). He is allowed into my country though, but he can only come here once a year for like 3 weeks.

It's all so frustrating. I feel like so much precious time is being robbed from us. We just can't wait to get married, because then we'd have more rights to visit each other. However I'm only 21 and I definitely don't want to get married this young.

How do you deal with all this uncertainty?

Posted Aug 28, 2021, 11:49 PM UTC

1526
IWantToGiverupper[New Zealand🇳🇿] to [USA🇺🇸] •

Things won't stay closed forever, greed and money can guarantee you that, so don't worry.

Yes, it sucks. But if your loves worth it you'll make it work. Just make sure to check in with each other every now and again about how you're coping, be transparent and honest, and have a plan.

17
Dascoo24[Location] to [Location] (Distance)•

I'm in the same situation as you. Would my gf be able to come to nz next Yr if we are in level one?

1
IWantToGiverupper[New Zealand🇳🇿] to [USA🇺🇸] •

Yep! We are lucky here on NZ that, people can still visit especially of vaccinated. At this rate, she will still have to provide a negative test before flying here, and do 14 days isolation in one of the hotels (she will have to pay for this, it's several thousand iirc).

3
Dascoo24[Location] to [Location] (Distance)•

Yeah mate, that was understanding.

Rn im currently living next to a quarantine hotel so always see ppl in their rooms lol. Sucks that she would have to pay so much money just to be in quarantine but it makes sense.

Really hope we get to meet next yr 🙏🏾

1
_cheekymonkey🇳🇿 to 🇺🇸 (13,000km)•

I think by the end of 2022 fully vaccinated travellers (regardless of residency status) would be able to visit NZ. I don’t see how it is viable for us to pursue zero-COVID policies once the vaccine has been rolled out to most age groups. At the moment those who are 12 and above are confirmed to be safe for vaccination.

I’m super excited at the chance of closing the distance with my partner here in NZ next year so I hope your partner gets to visit you too!

2
3birdsss•

She'll be able to enter nz only if she is a resident/citizen of nz, or have a permit to enter as an essential worker

1
ExactlyMay•

I'm actually married and he's (hopefully) moving here by the end of the year, but we've been in separate countries while married for 1.5 years. Together for 2 years ish.

With LDR, it's incredibly important to put communication first. You don't get the normal amount of understanding with body language or facial expressions or physical signs.

By communication, I mean like vulnerable intimate talk. Talking about fears, about the future, etc. Honestly, for me, I asked a lot of questions like if they wanted children, if they wanted to have biological children, how they feel about the relationship, what they're missing or need from me, etc.

Also, if y'all are sexually active or sexaully attracted to each other. Having options like phone sex can help. If y'all are asexual, then ignore this option.

3
Petite_Anglaise•

If you don’t mind me asking…why have you lived apart from your spouse for 1.5 years? Is that because of travel restrictions or just haven’t applied for green cards? I’m asking because I plan to marry my fiancé (he’s from the UK I’m from the US) and living apart for that long scares me.

0
ExactlyMay•

Oh! We're in a similar situation haha. He lives in Ireland and I live in the U.S.

We submitted a I-130 immigration application and that takes a while to process. He got approved this month!! 🙌 I visited him before pandemic restrictions in March 2020 for like 6 weeks (it was kind of a honeymoon since we got married in Feb 2020).

I visited again for 6 weeks in June this year after getting vaccinated. :)

2
Petite_Anglaise•

Omg okay…so is it possible to apply for that I-130 before getting married? I’m honestly so lost on the process we are giving out notice to marry in a week and should be legally married here in the UK by the end of November. So what steps do we need to go through from there? Sorry for all the questions but I’m actually panicking because my bf did the research and said we can apply for the spousal visa right after our wedding and then it should take only 6-8 months for him to be able to stay in the US. So that concerns me….have we got it all wrong?

1
ExactlyMay•

Yup! It is possible for you to apply before getting married. In the U.S., if you apply for I-130 before marriage, it's called a K-1 Fiance visa. Trust your fiance and ask them questions about the process.

For the steps, Google, research, watch YouTube videos, etc. There's a lot of online resources. Utilize them.

From my research, I think there's steps in the U.S. for your international marriage to be considered official. Google that too.

You have to do a lot of researching for this. Have patience. We got upset and frustrated at times, but we kept communicating with each other and made sure not to take our frustrations out on each other.

2
FarAwayAdventureCanada 🇨🇦 to India 🇮🇳 (12000 KMs)•

I stay the course, but when I'm feeling low, I come here to remember that other people are in the same situation.

2
emmaneff🇺🇸 to 🇿🇦 (~8000 miles) •

What you mentioned at the end there, about marriage, is something we're also dealing with. The only option for us to be able to freely see each other, without travel bans, is to be married. But even though we do want to get married one day, neither of us are ready for that right now. Plus, we found that considering marriage for the sake of just travel has taken the fun away from "planning a marriage". Right now we're compiling information on what we would need to do to get married, but we decided we won't move forward until both of us are more stable.

In the meantime, we've been doing our best to get every airline mile we can, picking up one-off shifts/part-time jobs, for the purpose of making a travel fund. And we aren't sacrificing anything in our "virtual life". After I got back from meeting him, I didn't feel like doing any of our old virtual activities. But it has helped to focus on the good parts of long distance (like how I can do my hair while he's sleeping by just muting myself, or how we can go shopping together while I'm in bed).

Good luck to you guys 😄

2
99abcOP•

Plus, we found that considering marriage for the sake of just travel has taken the fun away from "planning a marriage".

Yes exactly we think so too! Getting married to be able to travel to each other would feel more like an act of desperation than one of love. It wouldn't sit right with me. But I can't help it just crosses my mind sometimes, to get rid of the restrictions. I wish unmarried couples had more rights :(

It's good for me to hear people like you being in similar situation. It helps me to keep me going and not give up. You guys also good luck!

2
myrealaccount_gxl•

For us it's just fast tracked our plans to live together. We were going to take it slow but a marriage visa is now a strong possibility because we don't want to be stuck apart again.

1
kelpmepleaseimhungry•

All I can say is constant communication and trust. I have been with my highschool sweetheart (21f) since 2014. I moved to Canada due to my parent's work whilst she stayed in the Philippines. We've always been trying to cope with the loneliness by staying in touch with each other everyday thru chat or vid calls. The last time I saw her physically was in 2017 and my plan to go back to Phil last year was cancelled due to Covid. We recognize how hard it is for the both of us to alot time since we have 12hr timezone difference and she's very busy with uni but we still try to communicate each and everyday and say positive affirmations for each other that we'll be meeting soon.

1
TherapyKittyCaribbean to UK (4429 miles)•

For us it was a question of is this really worth it. Some days I think he missed so many years of my life (haven't seen him for 2 years) and I'm getting older. But I really had to think about whether I do think he is the one. It doesn't make sense waiting years only to find out it really isn't working. Given how open we are with each other I think I know him enough to say yes it's worth it. This is my one in a lifetime. And then you make a decision to do whatever it takes and you go from there.

1
TEREKIKI•

My BF is from Brasil and the US won’t let anyone from there enter the country and Brasil has one of the highest incidences of Covid so I can’t go there! So frustrating! Even more frustrating is the rumors going around they we might go into another lockdown! Why cant the US let vaccinated people in???

1
PoeiraDePoligno•

Hey! I'm from Brazil and in a LDR too. I've been obsessing over vaccines and countries letting us go there for a bit so just wanted to tell you my take:

I don't think we'll be going into another lockdown anytime soon!!

Things are moving at a steady pace here, 61% of the population has the first dose and 27% have the second one (mostly due to the time restriction, I think we'll have enough doses for everyone). I'm still in doubt if we'll reach a percentage high enough by Christmas, but I think it's only a matter of how fast things improve, and not if they get any worse.

About coming here, you are definitely right. Avoid if possible, at least for now.

1
TEREKIKI•

Thank you for taking the time to comment. The distance is killing us as well as the time difference. My boyfriend lives in Southern Brasil so it is specially difficult. 😪

1
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1
OhSoNotS01mportant[Location] to [Location] (Distance)•

My partner lives all the way in Europe, and I live over here in the States. We're Nevermets, to top it all off. We really want to meet but there are just a dozen different reasons we're not quite there yet. Like you and your boyfriend, we are also both vaccinated.

It gets so difficult and frustrating sometimes, I definitely get that. There are some days when he has to go to sleep and I've still got like, four or five hours of my day left and it's just hard.

The thing we do is live in the moment, communicate (but try not to dwell... it took me way too long to learn this one, lol) and just share our time together whenever we can. It may not be the best answer, but it works for us. :)

1