Seven Stories Tall

An old building.

Seven stories tall.

A single room on a floor.

/

On the first - a widower,

on the couch - alone.

His wife died in a car crash.

He was the one who drove.

/

The second - 40 year old man.

He's behind on rent.

Got fired for no reason.

Wasn't paid a cent.

/

The third is a young lady.

Pregnant with no man.

On her coffee table is a packet

and a pill inside her hand.

/

Fourth is a grandmother.

Her husband's got dementia.

She hasn't heard from her kids in years.

They never come to see her

/

On the fifth is a small family.

A single kid who's always bruised.

At school he is quite happy.

At home he is abused.

/

The sixth is a teenager

who ran away from home.

When he came back he saw it.

House was burning, he was cold.

/

On the last there is a man.

His life is not a wreck.

Yet he still is writing his last letter,

putting rope around his neck.

/

An old building.

A single quiet soul on a floor.

Seven stories.

Never told.

///

Healing the Hole in my Heart

Thoughts on a Snowy Night

Posted Aug 30, 2021, 10:51 AM UTC · edited

1213
WDMCICeein•

Awww man quite the picture, I visited each floor and looked at the pain and suffering of each person. It also writes like an intro to a great horror movie. It’s so dark but truthful. Beautiful piece.

5
[deleted]•

I actually love this and I can feel the emotion inn the poem! Keep it up!

3
Bethaeny•

Great job on this! There is a slight grammatical mistake (typo, maybe?) in the line about how the grandmother's kids never come to visit her, but it's nothing to hold any grievances over. I really love the contrast shown in, "House was burning, he was cold." Such a simple line, but it reads beautifully and really captures the emotions well.

2
ttv_yayamiiOP•

thank you for pointing out the typo, even after checking multiple times I still missed it.

3
PATHETICALLY_SAD_•

Wow poem of the week

Beautifully written ❤️❤️

Can u please share some tips to write in this way

And what's your first language.

2
ttv_yayamiiOP•

First language is Bulgarian. I get random ideas while I vacuum and listen to music. The idea for this one was just the fact that "stories" can be used in two different ways. After that it's just finding what you want to write about. I'm not really competent enough for you to take my advice, but thank you for the kind words.

2
AutoModeratorMOD•

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1
greenseamongoose•

Life can be rough...

God help us.

1
kstrohmeier•

Nobody is happy. What a dismal and emotional poem.

1
asearchforyou•

Why is everyone sad? How is one of the residents of a building homeless? Maybe this is not some ordinary building. Maybe this is a many layered hell? Isolated souls living trauma daily in obscurity as punishment for their imperfect nature and complicity within unjust systems of oppression.

I don't know. I get the feeling that it's just a building. And then, again, why is everyone sad? There's a lot of love and happiness out there these days. If you took a random sampling of people or a building, I'd expect you to find more of it than this. This speaks to a projection of misery. It doesn't speak to the state of the world.

1
ttv_yayamiiOP•

I don't know what you mean by homeless, never said it in the poem, unless you mean the teenager, in which case, I meant that he had lived in a different house before, it burned, so now he's renting an apartment in this building. You don't have to look at this piece as a projection of society, you can see it as just a story(not every poem has a deep meaning), you can view it as how I'm feeling(I wanna be unalive), maybe you can say that this is my week, each day is shit, Sunday I hang myself, stuff like that you know. Also, in my opinion, life is not a happy thing, it's a period(couldn't find a better word) of melancholy, ignorance, depression, with slight moments of joy and happiness, not the other way around. And you are very much blind to the state of the world, if you think it's all butterflies and golden rivers(if I sound rude, please excuse me, I mean no hate)

2
asearchforyou•

And you are very much blind to the state of the world, if you think it's all butterflies and golden rivers

I never said that. There is plenty of suffering in the world. I said that the apartment building is an unrepresentative sample of what life is like. Plenty of people are flourishing and enjoying themselves, and healthy cognitive habits are a big part of how they are able to be grateful, generous, and resilient in the face of challenges.

That said, I like the interpretation as days of the week in a dark moment in a person's life. Here's to wishing you some more "slight moments of joy and happiness" in the days and hours and decades ahead. Much love!

2
AutoModeratorMOD•

Oh, hi there; didn't see you! You've reached r/OCPoetry. This is a workshop site where you can share, read, and talk about eachother's poetry & etc. To post your own poems, you need to give feedback to 2 other writers. If you aren't trying to share, you're encouraged to give feedback, but aren't required. Try to be nice, questioning, and specific. If you can't do that - eat a cabbage and come back later. Try to give feedback to a writer without any feedback. Lastly, read our feedback guide , other writer's comments, or this author’s feedback links. If you still aren't sure whether your comments are useful ‘feedback’, or you have any other questions, send us a modmail!

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1