Just-some-ventings-about-everythings

my porn addiction cleanse is going well. a mighty 10 days and counting. it looks like a void of somepast that i'm never going to interact with again. or a pit. things should be looking up. got exam results. did incredibly well. in the upper slim section of the bell curve. friends and family everywhere. but depression's poked his merry little head in too, as to say, yes, it's me, you didn't forget me did you?

i spent my sister's 10th birthday party in an unfrequented area of a playpark. the room was dark and empty and yet there were lights and screaming children right outside. what happens to a house when it is left alone? i've developed a fetish of strangling myself with a noose made of a shoelace when i come. my heart and lungs hurt after, but it feels so good. the noose tutorial video mentioned nothing about its possible application for suicide. but i'm not suicidal so don't worry. this ain't that kind of vent.

i feel weary and my room has looked cleaner. although the recent sweep-up so my yoga mat wouldn't get dusty had some good results. my sleeping meds are setting in. blackness pools just out. stacksandstacks of books. if i don't read all these i might be dead then but i don't know maybe it'll besome other trivial thing like i'll take up camogie or get a job outofhome or find something/thing/one to live for or give in, who knows?