Source
r/OCPoetry•
kdelfuego

Introspective

There's a war within one's self

between the body and the mind.

it’s important to your health,

but just a burden to your grind.

a hard past can be relived

the mind’s eye can create it all.

heed the lessons that it gives,

or you will be fated to fall.

​

​

If the future is a goal

that every one of us will reach,

is there purpose in the mold

that every one of us can breach?

If you open up your mind

and let your reason take its hold,

you can reject all the grime

and know that virtue makes your bold.

​

​

What is virtue you may ask,

if not a construct of this world?

Its doing what is needed

to save those who get embroiled

by the world of make believe

that was created to divide

with unrest and with distrust,

attempted mental genocide.

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/psirjh/comment/hdqy7oe/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/psirjh/comment/hdpyb9y/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)

Posted Sep 21, 2021, 11:22 PM UTC

22
WorldWarG•

I really like what you are saying here and I think it is a powerful message.

I particularly like the 2 lines "is there purpose in the mold | that every one of us can breach"

That is a powerful comment.

I also think you first two stanza are good, but admittedly I feel the third could be stronger, maybe rearranging it so that "that everyone of us can breach" is the ending, that might be a powerful way to end it and leave an impression on the reader.

Just my opinion, otherwise good work and keep it up!

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