Source
r/OCPoetry•
AlexAraiza23

First love

I didn't feel like I could love until you came around With you I could never frown

Made the worst days a bit better Had so many emotions I started to write you letters

You seemed to like them at first Then your view on them got reversed

We started talking less and less Which left me feeling a bit depressed

I tried to get over you After countless tries I had no breakthrough

Hate to see that we're done Went from not knowing I had a heart to a broken one

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Posted Sep 23, 2021, 12:39 AM UTC · edited

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TheXV2•

There's a lot of potential in you, I really felt strongly about this one, it kind of reminds me of the first time I fell in love myself, it hurt so bad when it didnt go through, but I think breakups are like wounds, they may leave a scar, but it will fade in time.

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SnooMuffins3401•

“Went from now knowing I had a heart to a broken one”

I found this ending remark incredibly powerful. Since it’s discussing “first love” I think a vast majority of people can relate. Falling into love with so little knowledge of how it works, only to be broken in the end by that very lack of experience. Reminds me of people and hobbies. We seek role models in fields of what our interests are, but once we initially begin we can feel discouraged due to our lack of experience. Only after time, practice, and patience can we prevail. Much like love.

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AlexAraiza23OP•

Yeah I really wanted to use this line as I thought about it the other day, I think it was a great ending line, though I have to have stronger lines throughout the poem as well, which I'm still trying to figure out even after of years of casually writing

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SnooMuffins3401•

I am a beginning writer. What do you think of this:

O ye cosmic drifter Forsaking thy pervaded home. Intentional pursuit of infinite wonder Straying far with celestial lust. Lingering past solitary suns Trickles hope from thine vessel. Keep thine conviction sentient Forbear and persist! Discovery lurks ahead Sprouting a worthy pioneer. Events, now within horizon Thou principle prevails.

-BWC-

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AlexAraiza23OP•

It's good, I love the diction of old timey English, but what does this poem really entail?

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SnooMuffins3401•

To simplify it, a space cowboy is out exploring and losing hope in the mission and in themselves. But discovery is right around the corner, so don’t give up champ!

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theroadisthepath•

It feels like a love ending too soon. The acceptance of the heart break at the end of poem after trying to fight the pain is what stands out for me. I am curious about the mention of letters. What kind of letters were you thinking about?

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AlexAraiza23OP•

Ah yeah forgot to add context there, this is based of what I would say is my first live encounter. After a year of knowing her I would sent letters describing emotions I felt towards her. It was defitnely a bit unorthodox in this day and age, but I somehow thought it would've been romantic, and that's how I started writing. I still have a ways to go, but maybe I could use that as another poem premise. Of how who someone was my first love truly brought me to my true first love which was writing. Sorry for the long response, I have to learn to be more precise with my words.

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