[2473] The Maiden's pick (part 1)

Hey, this is part 1. Part 2 is already done, but I need a break and don't have enough "credits" yet lol. Part 2 is shorter (about 1000) words and quickly wraps things up. I'm trying to go somewhere with this, but I don't want to say too much just in case. I'd like tips on how to be more concise, when trying to make a story more about the "point" of it then the charachters and settings.

Also, where you intrigued? Was your curiosity picked at at least a little? Where do you think this is going? Thanks for any feedback!

Critique: https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/pxab97/2623_fear_and_loathing_in_north_fitzroy_1/

Story: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zdEkKoIPPWgEh9a_ayHLbkz-N4AHy_XlbE9JTv3jJ1U/edit?usp=sharing