Watch your tenses, you're occasionally slipping into present.

Hrmm, this one has me feeling a little all over the place.  The piece was frankly all over the place, switching between present and past tense, awkward prose and a couple moments where you swap to language that sounds like you're telling a story at a party as opposed to writing a story.  "So I put...", "I just..." are really strange language in written form, you should avoid it. So much of what I wanted to be well fleshed out simply wasn't, particularly regarding your character's emotion.

Also, you should pay attention to google when it underlines things.  You had quite a bit of misseed grammar, mostly commas, that google warned you about at every turn and you didn't do, up to and including a misspelled word.

The opening was just awkward, I don't have another word for it.  I found myself scratching my head on more than one occassion.  You really rush through it "Alarm, I woke up and peed, and there was food scent that was *recognized" .* Your goal here is an intense emotional piece w

I'll approve based on all your crits, but consider them used up. We usually look for more high-effort, even for short submissions.

**Summary**

A woman wakes to find a man, seemingly her former slave owner, making breakfast downstairs. He identifies himself as being pretty unrepentantly evil, then they tussle over the gun and one of them dies (unsure who).

**Lines that particularly stood out to me**

> The scent of food was recognized

This is very awkwardly phrased, and not very active. There's much punchier ways to express this, but even 'I recognised the scent of food' would be better. You need to use your opening moments to inject more humanity into your character, otherwise we're not going to empathise with her as much as we should. 

> I sat quickly beholding the buffet in place with a 457 magnum close to him on the table. It gleamed in uniform of the silverware. 

Another very awkward two sentences. I wouldn't use the word 'beholding' here, expressing it in a more simple, alarmed way would be more effective. Also, why mention the buffet is "in place"? The second sentence is quite difficult to understand. I

Please give as much feedback as possible. You won't need your coffee after reading this. ;)

Link: [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cCUz9ZXHPQVNWAW7F47jPQr6jIpG\_m0aP2hZQk9SJao/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cCUz9ZXHPQVNWAW7F47jPQr6jIpG_m0aP2hZQk9SJao/edit?usp=sharing)

1082 Critique Post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qhfp6h/1200\_dont\_have\_a\_title\_yet/](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qhfp6h/1200_dont_have_a_title_yet/)

I've done more but I don't want to hunt them down. (too lazy)

[847] Breakfast *Trigger Warnings*

[847] Breakfast Trigger Warnings