[993] Dream sequence

Hi RDR,

This is a dream sequence that takes place somewhere around the middle of a larger work. Any/all crit is greatly appreciated. Some specific questions;

• Too much/too little detail?
• I was going for slightly choppy/hazy. Did I hit the mark?
• Sometimes Sad^(TM) passages fall into 'this is so much character abuse that I've become bored instead of sympathetic'. Where does this put you on the scale from sympathetic to bored? If it matters, this is the only directly played out glimpse into this part of the character's backstory that we ever get.

Relevant details;

• Michael is Hannah's father. Their family is a supernatural mafia of sorts.
• Salem and Hannah used to date. It was not a healthy relationship.
• Salem was in a type of indentured servitude (but no longer is, thanks to a friend). The reader is aware that he worked for someone bad but is not aware of who it was until this passage.

Crit [1110] Vampire story

Story here

Thanks in advance!